The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages. The Library will include:
* The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
* The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
* The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
* The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
* The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
* The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
* The National Debt room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
* The 'Tax Cut' Room with entry only to the wealthy.
* The 'Economy Room,' which is in the toilet.
* The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.
* The Dick Cheney Room, also known as The Shadow Government Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.
* The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
* The Supreme Court Gift Shop, where you can buy an election or a seat on the Court.
* The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
* The 'Decider Room,' complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
* The Karl Rove room, which is located behind the curtain and home to the puppet complete with strings.
NOTE: The Library will have an electron microscope to help you locate the President's accomplishments
Sunday, August 31, 2008
OMFG! Sarah Palin's baby is a...a ...Democrat!!
Juneau, Alaska - (Bonkers Mess): Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin has been speaking about the birth of her fifth daft-named child today.
Trig Paxson Van Palin emerged one month early from his mother's loins at 6am local time in Juneau Maternity Hospital.
"We always knew from early amniotic fluid tests that the baby would face some very special challenges," Palin simpered in front of TV reporters.
"However we both felt immensely privileged that God would trust us with such a child."
And while Ms Palin refused to elaborate on these 'special challenges' a hospital source hinted today that there was nothing physically or medically wrong with the new brat.
"Let's just say he was born with a very unusual birthmark on his forehead," an aide to obstetrician Dr V Smart said today.
"In ordinary sunlight it looks like a campaign sticker saying VOTE OBAMA."
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
How To Tell If Your Wife's A Porn Star
By DOUG VINCENT
Porn Stars are living among us -- and your wife could be one of them!
"You'd be amazed at the number of ordinary men who are married to famous porn stars and don't even know it," states A. J. Podaski, a California based writer who covers the adult-film industry. "More and more XXX actresses want the stability of marriage, but they don't want to give up the money and glamour of porn. So they just lie about it."
Here are some foolproof ways to tell if your wife is making dirty movies behind your back:
-- Every couple of weeks she has to fly to California to care for a "sick aunt."
-- When in bed, she just lies there until you yell "Action!"
-- Just as you're about to make love, she asks, "What's my motivation?"
-- She keeps getting mail addressed to "Patty O'Plenty."
-- Whenever you go out, drooling men ask her for her autograph.
-- She looks suspiciously like the Hustler pin-up in your neighbor's garage.
-- She knows sexual positions that would put a circus contortionist in the hospital.
-- She wears a micro miniskirt and six-inch spike heels to go grocery shopping.
-- On your joint tax return she lists her occupation as "passion princess."
photo courtesy Tim Case & Fel1cia Fox
Porn Stars are living among us -- and your wife could be one of them!
"You'd be amazed at the number of ordinary men who are married to famous porn stars and don't even know it," states A. J. Podaski, a California based writer who covers the adult-film industry. "More and more XXX actresses want the stability of marriage, but they don't want to give up the money and glamour of porn. So they just lie about it."
Here are some foolproof ways to tell if your wife is making dirty movies behind your back:
-- Every couple of weeks she has to fly to California to care for a "sick aunt."
-- When in bed, she just lies there until you yell "Action!"
-- Just as you're about to make love, she asks, "What's my motivation?"
-- She keeps getting mail addressed to "Patty O'Plenty."
-- Whenever you go out, drooling men ask her for her autograph.
-- She looks suspiciously like the Hustler pin-up in your neighbor's garage.
-- She knows sexual positions that would put a circus contortionist in the hospital.
-- She wears a micro miniskirt and six-inch spike heels to go grocery shopping.
-- On your joint tax return she lists her occupation as "passion princess."
photo courtesy Tim Case & Fel1cia Fox
'Suge' Knight Arrested In Vegas on Drug, Assault Case
On The Web -
LAS VEGAS - Police say rap music mogul Marion "Suge" Knight is in a Las Vegas jail on drug and assault charges after he was accused of beating his girlfriend while brandishing a knife.
The 43-year-old Knight was arrested Wednesday on charges of assault with a deadly weapon, possession of a controlled substance, possession of dangerous drugs without a prescription and battery domestic violence.
Police responding to a report of a car hitting a curb near the Las Vegas Strip say they found Knight standing over his longtime girlfriend with a knife in his hand.
Police say the woman tried to run from the car, but Knight grabbed her.
He's accused of having the drugs Ecstasy and hydrocodone when he was arrested.
Knight's lawyers, David Chesnoff and Richard Schonfeld, declined to comment.
Marion Hugh Knight, Jr., better known as Suge Knight (born April 19, 1965 in Compton, California), is an entrepreneur in the hip hop music industry and co-founder and CEO of Death Row Records. The record label rose to dominate the charts after Dr. Dre's breakthrough success The Chronic in 1992. After several years of chart successes for artists including Tupac Shakur, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg and Tha Dogg Pound, Death Row Records fell into a stagnant limbo after Knight's incarceration on parole violation charges in September 1996. That year Dr. Dre, frustrated with the company's increasingly thuggish reputation and Knight's violent inclinations, decided to leave and form his own label. A stream of Dre-dissing records followed, but things turned tragic later in 1996, when Shakur was murdered in a drive-by shooting as a passenger in a car driven by Knight. When Shakur's East Coast rival, The Notorious B.I.G., was murdered in a similar fashion in March 1997, speculation immediately arose that Knight was involved and that B.I.G.'s death was a revenge killing. Subsequent investigations exposed a web of connections between Death Row Records, gang members who worked there, and LAPD officers who sometimes worked security for the label and its artists during off hours, but to date, both murders remain unsolved.
More recently Knight showed up to the set of 50 Cent's video for "In Da Club" and menaced the rapper, as well as his mentor Dr. Dre. No altercation came of it and Knight left with no charges filed. However, in December 2002 he was jailed again for violating his parole by associating with gang members. After his release, he was arrested and jailed yet again in 2003, for assaulting parking lot attendant Mehdi Lazrak.
In October 2004, despite having not been formally invited, Suge attended the VIBE Awards, ostensibly to support Petey Pablo, whom he manages. That night Dr. Dre was to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. With Suge in the audience, a man approached Dr. Dre shortly before Dre was called up for the award and feigned interest in an autograph before punching Dre. In the resulting scuffle, then-G-Unit rapper Young Buck stabbed the man. Immediately, stories pointed fingers at Suge, who went on The Late Late Show and insisted he supports Dr. Dre. The man, Jimmy James Johnson, faces life in prison due to the three strikes law in California, after Dre insisted he be charged. Johnson is now claiming that Suge paid him $5,000 to punch Dre in order to humiliate him before Dre received his Lifetime Achievement Award from Quincy Jones and Snoop Dogg.
On the evening of February 5, 2005, Knight was arrested in Barstow, California, after police pulled him over for making an illegal U-turn. They found marijuana in his truck, and he was booked on suspicion of violating his parole. Sheriff's officials detained Knight pending his transfer to state prison, where it was to be decided whether Knight would be charged or released. He was released shortly thereafter.
On April 4, 2006, Suge Knight filed bankruptcy due to civil litigation against him in which Lydia Harris claimed to have been cheated out of a 50% stake in Death Row Records. Prior to filing, Knight had been ordered to pay $107 million to Harris.[5] Under questioning by creditors, he denied having money tucked away in foreign countries or in an African company that deals in diamonds and gold. Bankruptcy documents filed showed Knight had no income this year from employment or operation of a business. His bank account contained just $11, and he owned clothing worth $1,000, furniture and appliances valued at $2,000, and jewelry worth $25,000, according to the records. He had testified that the last time he checked the label’s financial records was at least 10 years ago. Knight’s lawyer said that his client was still “at the helm” of Death Row and had been working on securing distribution deals for the label’s catalog. Knight had also testified that he had reached an agreement with Lydia Harris, saying "I settled for a million and signed off on it." Harris told reporters she had received a $1 million payment but had not agreed to settle the matter. "I'm telling you, I didn't do a settlement for $1 million. That's ridiculous. Let's keep it real," she said.
Knight skipped a meeting with his creditors after injuring himself in a motorcycle accident. Another scheduled meeting with the creditors had been missed after Suge said he had experienced a death in his family. Finally on July 7, 2006, the federal judge, Ellen Carroll, ordered a bankruptcy trustee takeover of Suge Knight's Death Row Records, saying the record label had undergone a gross amount of mismanagement. She commented that "apparently there's no one at the helm of Death Row".
He filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, which allows a company to continue business operations while restructuring. Death Row was being operated by Neilson during the bankruptcy proceedings, while Knight oversaw his bankruptcy estate as a debtor in possession.
Recently he was engaged again in another dispute with former friend and ex-associate Snoop Dogg after Snoop disrespected him in Rolling Stone magazine. Suge responded on Pagesix.com calling Snoop Dogg "a rat" and "a crybaby", accusing him of not serving time in prison due to his close relations with the police and running away from "real" fights.
In June 2007, he placed his seven-bedroom, 9 1/2-bath home in Malibu on the market for $6.2 million as part of his "financial makeover".
Knight has started a new record label called Blackball Records, with its first signee Young Life and has featured it in his new reality show called "Unfinished Business". The show is based on Knight dispelling long-standing rumors in sit down interviews, his days with Death Row and the artists he worked with, and finding new talent for his record label. As of June 2008, the show has not been picked up by any major network.
Knight is a known member of the Mob Piru Bloods gang, and has had ties to several LAPD police officers involved in the Rampart case, including Kevin Gaines, who dated his ex-wife and worked security for Death Row Records and David Mack. At least one former associate of his, rapper Dr. Dre, has an order of protection out on Knight. Since the death of Shakur and The Notorious B.I.G., there have been various rumors of Knight's involvement in at least one, if not both of the murder conspiracies. There is circumstantial evidence for the latter, but still, both remain unsolved.
On May 10th 2008, Knight was involved in an altercation involving a monetary dispute outside of a nightclub in Hollywood. He was knocked out for 3 minutes, taken to the hospital, and did not cooperate with the LAPD. About a month later, he sold Death Row Records to New York-based company Global Music Group, which confirmed it had purchased the firm in a statement to the Associated Press news agency.
August 1, 2008, Suge Knight was formally accused of sending death threats to an inmate, Waymond "Suave" Anderson, to change his testimony regarding the 1997 death of The Notorious B.I.G. in court July 31, 2008.
Allegedly Knight has a penchant for porn girls including our own longtime contract girl Lacey Duvalle (members watch for free all 25 of our movies starring Lacey Duvalle here or join Lacey's website here).
Pornstar Tony Eveready Gets 6 Years
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Republican Convention Schedule
Lucky you, I was able to get a copy of this for you so you can set your TiVo's and plan for the events next week!
DAY 1
7:00 pm – Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
7:35 pm – "The Pleasures of Adultery" - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
8:05 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
8:35 pm - Transvestite Ann Coulter – "My Life as a Man"
8:55 pm – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney
9:05 pm – Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley "Joys with Young Boys"
9:25 pm – Oliver North – "Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway"
9:40 pm – Bill O' Reilly – "The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees"
10:00 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
10:25 pm – Check John McCain to see if he's still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changed.
10:35 pm – NRA. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
11:00 pm – President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq's fictitious WMD's under guests tables.
11:15 pm – Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
11:20 pm – Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
11: 45 pm – Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
12:00 am – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham
12:20 am – Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
12: 40 am – Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – "How to lie your Country into a War"
1:00 am – Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – "Tips on Money Laundering"
1:15 am – Hookers arrive for after party
DAY 2
6:00 PM Opening Prayer & Pledge of Allegiance, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner ****
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM Religious Right Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for Secret Prayer Meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Mitt Romney
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM Mike Huckabee demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Mel Gibson Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton for everything
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of John McCain as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
DAY 1
7:00 pm – Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
7:35 pm – "The Pleasures of Adultery" - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
8:05 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
8:35 pm - Transvestite Ann Coulter – "My Life as a Man"
8:55 pm – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney
9:05 pm – Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley "Joys with Young Boys"
9:25 pm – Oliver North – "Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway"
9:40 pm – Bill O' Reilly – "The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees"
10:00 pm – Gay sex party in Men's Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
10:25 pm – Check John McCain to see if he's still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changed.
10:35 pm – NRA. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
11:00 pm – President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq's fictitious WMD's under guests tables.
11:15 pm – Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
11:20 pm – Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
11: 45 pm – Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
12:00 am – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham
12:20 am – Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
12: 40 am – Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – "How to lie your Country into a War"
1:00 am – Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – "Tips on Money Laundering"
1:15 am – Hookers arrive for after party
DAY 2
6:00 PM Opening Prayer & Pledge of Allegiance, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner ****
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM Religious Right Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for Secret Prayer Meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Mitt Romney
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM Mike Huckabee demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Mel Gibson Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton for everything
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of John McCain as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Jenna Jameson Confirms She's Pregnant
HOLLYWOOD — AVN Hall of Famer Jenna Jameson confirmed to Us magazine today that she is pregnant by her boyfriend, mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz.
Several weeks ago, the New York Post's Page Six reported that rumors were circulating about Jameson's pregnancy. She gave her official story as an exclusive to Us, with a subsequent link to the story on her own MySpace page.
The retired porn actress said she and Ortiz are "still in a state of shock." The couple has no plans to marry.
"I think I'm gonna stay unmarried and just go for the babies!" Jameson said.
Jameson suffered a miscarriage in 2004 after being diagnosed with malignant melanoma. She announced her retirement from performing in January at the AVN Awards.
To read the Us story, click here.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
What If Your Wife Was A Porn Star?
The following article appears on the Details website.
It's a Wednesday night in late May, and Ryder Sky and her husband, Bill, [pictured] are celebrating their third anniversary. They keep it simple and order in pizza. The next morning, Sky heads to work at a boxy, modern house in the San Fernando Valley, in Los Angeles. Before long, backdropped by a floor-to-ceiling window, she lowers her mouth onto the erect penis of a sideburned actor who calls himself James Deen.
"That's beautiful," says a scruffy-faced director. "Now give me a jawbreaker."
Sky adjusts Deen's penis so that its head causes her left cheek to bubble. "Do you ever do anal?" the director asks her.
Nine hours later, Sky, a 24-year-old porn actress, pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way, returns to the cozy house near Studio City that she shares with Bill, who works as a driver for a talent agency.
Inside their neatly organized home, mainstream DVDs are racked near a flat-screen TV and remnants of supper cool in a pot on the stove. Husband and wife are sprawled across the sofa. Bill, in his mid-thirties, muscular and handsome, wears jeans and a pullover; Sky's in plaid pajama pants and a tank top. If it weren't for the handblown glass dildo artfully displayed on their coffee table (Sky's name is etched on the bottom), this would be a standard picture of American domesticity.
Sky and Bill met in 2002 while working together at an independent film-production company. They have a seemingly solid marriage. It's only when Bill thinks too hard about what his wife's been doing in the year since she quit her job as an executive assistant to become a full-time porn star that things get difficult. Occasionally, he can't keep from mulling over the fact that he's home alone while she's getting it on with another man. "Sometimes I think about it when she works late and I'm going to bed," he says. "It's not negative, though. It's more like, eh . . . " He trails off with a what-can-you-do groan.
This is what it's like to be married to a porn star. While you toil away at a conventional job during the week, your wife spends eight hours a day getting plowed by guys with nicknames like Thug of Porn. There are the indelible mental images. There is the awkwardness of explaining to friends and colleagues—let alone to your parents—what she does. And then there's the fact that you don't even get to have sex with her all that often—intercourse is off-limits before a shoot, and afterward she's too tired and sore.
Bill describes his sex life with Sky as vanilla; "We schedule sex," he says. But that bothers him less than his wife's habitually telling colleagues she's "in a relationship" rather than married. "She hardly ever wears her wedding ring, even off-set," Bill says. "Why be ashamed of being married?"
Sky insists that it's not a matter of shame. "I don't want to get typecast as a MILF," she says.
Otherwise sanguine as Bill seems about their arrangement, he shows some discomfort when he explains that his family doesn't know what his wife does for a living and admits that he doesn't go out of his way to tell coworkers about her occupation. At his previous job, a colleague saw a picture of Sky on Bill's desk and recognized her. "He said, 'Hey, that's Ryder Sky,'" Bill says. "I said, 'Yeah, she's my wife.' He said, 'You're a lucky guy.'" This hangs in the air for a beat before he continues. Being a porn star is what Sky wants. She makes good money, she doesn't get bossed around by a suit, and she has time to attend college (majoring in women's studies). He isn't going to stand in her way. "I want her to be happy. And it's a turn-on, in a way. On the downside, though, there are guys having sex with your wife."
But rather than avoid seeing her work, Bill watches Sky's movies religiously and stealthily posts positive sentiments on porn sites, occasionally attacking critics. "I don't look at it as sex," he says. "I look at it as a guy with his dick in my wife, but they're working and it's not emotional. She never orgasms in porn. That's for us. If it happened on the set, it would be a little weird."
Ryan Brown is standing in the doorway of a room at a Motel 6 in Van Nuys, California. The 23-year-old car detailer, in training to be a firefighter, and his just-legal fiancée, Kelly Skyline, are down from Sacramento while she shoots a movie.
Inside, arranged around the TV, are a container of body butter, a bag of Runts, and a DVD of Be My Bitch 6 (Skyline's considering a role in 7). Skyline wears low-slung jeans that expose a suntan tattoo of two hearts just above her hip line. Brown (not his real last name), an easygoing, nerdy-looking kid, appears mellow and doting. They're discussing a recent on-the-job injury that Skyline suffered—one that Brown, usually at peace with his fiancée's occupation, found troubling. "I got a text message from her that said 'I've been ripped,'" he recalls. Skyline had been shooting a scene with Billy Glide, a porn star who's nicknamed the Human Wine Bottle, and his oversize penis tore the inside of her vagina.
Brown knew the drill. "Get that text and you know it's no sex for a few days," he says, rolling his eyes. "I constantly made Epsom-salt baths and forced her to get in. It burns the cut but also helps it to heal faster."
Brown and Skyline met a few years ago. She was a student at the high school where Brown was the pole-vaulting coach for the track team. They began dating after she graduated, and he told her that he wanted an open relationship. Skyline agreed. A few months later, trained by Brown's sister-in-law, the porn actress Trina Michaels, Skyline entered an amateur-night contest at a strip club and won. Soon after, she decided to try her hand at the X-rated-movie business.
"My feeling was, if she does it, cool," Brown says. "It wasn't a big deal either way. But once you start, you can't undo it." Brown sees it as beneficial to their open relationship. He and Skyline recently had a threesome with a boyhood friend of his (he ranks as a hero among his pals), and she occasionally brings home costars. "Girlfriends of mine call and say that they want to come by for a swim," Skyline says. "I say, 'Yeah, it's okay. You can fuck him.'"
Rusty, a 34-year-old bouncer in L.A. married to a porn star named Mikayla Mendez, leads a slightly less charmed domestic existence. It's not so much dealing with his wife's occupational hazards or with the guys at work—"They always ask if it bothers me," Rusty says. "It doesn't"—it's a future of contending with soccer moms. Rusty and Mendez, 28, have a 3-year-old son. This month he'll be starting preschool, and there will inevitably be questions about what his parents do for a living. "I'll play it off," Mendez says vaguely. Rusty, crooking his shaved head, says he'll run interference: "I'll play Mr. Mom. I'll go to school and interact with the parents."
The couple met through friends in 2002. Mendez, a former patients' advocate in the health-care industry, stumbled into porn five years ago after answering a newspaper ad for figure models. She now drives a Mercedes Kompressor and, between acting, stripping, and personal appearances, earns a six-figure income. But she hasn't knitted her porn career into her personal life: She avoids discussing scenes with Rusty.
That policy is more for her own emotional well-being than for Rusty's—he insists that he'd happily talk shop. "Porn has improved our love life—we do it every day and it turns me on that she's with other people," he says, though he admits he has concerns about STDs and expresses relief that Mendez now has a contract with a company that does condom-only movies. "She's an animal, and I am very unusual. What can I say?"
Kenneth Austin, who grew up in Trenton, New Jersey, has no compulsion to talk shop with his girlfriend, eight-year porn veteran Charmane Star—or to see any of her films. For Austin, a clean-cut 32-year-old who works in interactive marketing, the only way for the relationship to work is for the details of Star's professional life to remain walled off from their personal life.
But one drunken night about a year ago, not long after they started dating, that boundary was crossed. "We went with a couple of my girlfriends to hang out in their hotel room," Star says, sitting on the terrace of a Japanese restaurant overlooking the Sunset Strip. "Then this music-producer dude showed up and all of a sudden these girls were running around in their panties." She shrugs. "My friends are porno. That's the way it is."
"I happily left," Austin says. "Those girls were trash."
Having lived in Hollywood for three years, Austin insists that Star, a petite Filipina with an exuberant laugh, is the sanest girl he's met here. He doesn't lie to his friends about what she does, and they've been mostly supportive. "One told me that he erased all her movies from his hard drive," he says. Even his parents have been accepting. Still, Austin looks relieved when the conversation turns to Star's decision last month to stop shooting porn with men and to focus exclusively on women.
She maintains that the switch has nothing to do with Austin. "He's lucky and his timing is good," she says, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. Austin watches her leave. "When she did do it [with guys]," he says, "it was hard for me to deal with. But my attitude is that if you can find a cool girl . . . good for you."
It's a Wednesday night in late May, and Ryder Sky and her husband, Bill, [pictured] are celebrating their third anniversary. They keep it simple and order in pizza. The next morning, Sky heads to work at a boxy, modern house in the San Fernando Valley, in Los Angeles. Before long, backdropped by a floor-to-ceiling window, she lowers her mouth onto the erect penis of a sideburned actor who calls himself James Deen.
"That's beautiful," says a scruffy-faced director. "Now give me a jawbreaker."
Sky adjusts Deen's penis so that its head causes her left cheek to bubble. "Do you ever do anal?" the director asks her.
Nine hours later, Sky, a 24-year-old porn actress, pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way, returns to the cozy house near Studio City that she shares with Bill, who works as a driver for a talent agency.
Inside their neatly organized home, mainstream DVDs are racked near a flat-screen TV and remnants of supper cool in a pot on the stove. Husband and wife are sprawled across the sofa. Bill, in his mid-thirties, muscular and handsome, wears jeans and a pullover; Sky's in plaid pajama pants and a tank top. If it weren't for the handblown glass dildo artfully displayed on their coffee table (Sky's name is etched on the bottom), this would be a standard picture of American domesticity.
Sky and Bill met in 2002 while working together at an independent film-production company. They have a seemingly solid marriage. It's only when Bill thinks too hard about what his wife's been doing in the year since she quit her job as an executive assistant to become a full-time porn star that things get difficult. Occasionally, he can't keep from mulling over the fact that he's home alone while she's getting it on with another man. "Sometimes I think about it when she works late and I'm going to bed," he says. "It's not negative, though. It's more like, eh . . . " He trails off with a what-can-you-do groan.
This is what it's like to be married to a porn star. While you toil away at a conventional job during the week, your wife spends eight hours a day getting plowed by guys with nicknames like Thug of Porn. There are the indelible mental images. There is the awkwardness of explaining to friends and colleagues—let alone to your parents—what she does. And then there's the fact that you don't even get to have sex with her all that often—intercourse is off-limits before a shoot, and afterward she's too tired and sore.
Bill describes his sex life with Sky as vanilla; "We schedule sex," he says. But that bothers him less than his wife's habitually telling colleagues she's "in a relationship" rather than married. "She hardly ever wears her wedding ring, even off-set," Bill says. "Why be ashamed of being married?"
Sky insists that it's not a matter of shame. "I don't want to get typecast as a MILF," she says.
Otherwise sanguine as Bill seems about their arrangement, he shows some discomfort when he explains that his family doesn't know what his wife does for a living and admits that he doesn't go out of his way to tell coworkers about her occupation. At his previous job, a colleague saw a picture of Sky on Bill's desk and recognized her. "He said, 'Hey, that's Ryder Sky,'" Bill says. "I said, 'Yeah, she's my wife.' He said, 'You're a lucky guy.'" This hangs in the air for a beat before he continues. Being a porn star is what Sky wants. She makes good money, she doesn't get bossed around by a suit, and she has time to attend college (majoring in women's studies). He isn't going to stand in her way. "I want her to be happy. And it's a turn-on, in a way. On the downside, though, there are guys having sex with your wife."
But rather than avoid seeing her work, Bill watches Sky's movies religiously and stealthily posts positive sentiments on porn sites, occasionally attacking critics. "I don't look at it as sex," he says. "I look at it as a guy with his dick in my wife, but they're working and it's not emotional. She never orgasms in porn. That's for us. If it happened on the set, it would be a little weird."
Ryan Brown is standing in the doorway of a room at a Motel 6 in Van Nuys, California. The 23-year-old car detailer, in training to be a firefighter, and his just-legal fiancée, Kelly Skyline, are down from Sacramento while she shoots a movie.
Inside, arranged around the TV, are a container of body butter, a bag of Runts, and a DVD of Be My Bitch 6 (Skyline's considering a role in 7). Skyline wears low-slung jeans that expose a suntan tattoo of two hearts just above her hip line. Brown (not his real last name), an easygoing, nerdy-looking kid, appears mellow and doting. They're discussing a recent on-the-job injury that Skyline suffered—one that Brown, usually at peace with his fiancée's occupation, found troubling. "I got a text message from her that said 'I've been ripped,'" he recalls. Skyline had been shooting a scene with Billy Glide, a porn star who's nicknamed the Human Wine Bottle, and his oversize penis tore the inside of her vagina.
Brown knew the drill. "Get that text and you know it's no sex for a few days," he says, rolling his eyes. "I constantly made Epsom-salt baths and forced her to get in. It burns the cut but also helps it to heal faster."
Brown and Skyline met a few years ago. She was a student at the high school where Brown was the pole-vaulting coach for the track team. They began dating after she graduated, and he told her that he wanted an open relationship. Skyline agreed. A few months later, trained by Brown's sister-in-law, the porn actress Trina Michaels, Skyline entered an amateur-night contest at a strip club and won. Soon after, she decided to try her hand at the X-rated-movie business.
"My feeling was, if she does it, cool," Brown says. "It wasn't a big deal either way. But once you start, you can't undo it." Brown sees it as beneficial to their open relationship. He and Skyline recently had a threesome with a boyhood friend of his (he ranks as a hero among his pals), and she occasionally brings home costars. "Girlfriends of mine call and say that they want to come by for a swim," Skyline says. "I say, 'Yeah, it's okay. You can fuck him.'"
Rusty, a 34-year-old bouncer in L.A. married to a porn star named Mikayla Mendez, leads a slightly less charmed domestic existence. It's not so much dealing with his wife's occupational hazards or with the guys at work—"They always ask if it bothers me," Rusty says. "It doesn't"—it's a future of contending with soccer moms. Rusty and Mendez, 28, have a 3-year-old son. This month he'll be starting preschool, and there will inevitably be questions about what his parents do for a living. "I'll play it off," Mendez says vaguely. Rusty, crooking his shaved head, says he'll run interference: "I'll play Mr. Mom. I'll go to school and interact with the parents."
The couple met through friends in 2002. Mendez, a former patients' advocate in the health-care industry, stumbled into porn five years ago after answering a newspaper ad for figure models. She now drives a Mercedes Kompressor and, between acting, stripping, and personal appearances, earns a six-figure income. But she hasn't knitted her porn career into her personal life: She avoids discussing scenes with Rusty.
That policy is more for her own emotional well-being than for Rusty's—he insists that he'd happily talk shop. "Porn has improved our love life—we do it every day and it turns me on that she's with other people," he says, though he admits he has concerns about STDs and expresses relief that Mendez now has a contract with a company that does condom-only movies. "She's an animal, and I am very unusual. What can I say?"
Kenneth Austin, who grew up in Trenton, New Jersey, has no compulsion to talk shop with his girlfriend, eight-year porn veteran Charmane Star—or to see any of her films. For Austin, a clean-cut 32-year-old who works in interactive marketing, the only way for the relationship to work is for the details of Star's professional life to remain walled off from their personal life.
But one drunken night about a year ago, not long after they started dating, that boundary was crossed. "We went with a couple of my girlfriends to hang out in their hotel room," Star says, sitting on the terrace of a Japanese restaurant overlooking the Sunset Strip. "Then this music-producer dude showed up and all of a sudden these girls were running around in their panties." She shrugs. "My friends are porno. That's the way it is."
"I happily left," Austin says. "Those girls were trash."
Having lived in Hollywood for three years, Austin insists that Star, a petite Filipina with an exuberant laugh, is the sanest girl he's met here. He doesn't lie to his friends about what she does, and they've been mostly supportive. "One told me that he erased all her movies from his hard drive," he says. Even his parents have been accepting. Still, Austin looks relieved when the conversation turns to Star's decision last month to stop shooting porn with men and to focus exclusively on women.
She maintains that the switch has nothing to do with Austin. "He's lucky and his timing is good," she says, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. Austin watches her leave. "When she did do it [with guys]," he says, "it was hard for me to deal with. But my attitude is that if you can find a cool girl . . . good for you."
Friday, August 08, 2008
Is There A Girls Next Door Home-Wrecker?
The norm always gets boring - even if the norm is sleeping with (and living with) three unwed Playboy bunnies at one's leisure.
Yes, Hugh Hefner is reportedly falling for the "charms" of a woman outside his trio of girlfriends. The National Enquirer says he has been paying a lot of attention to a sexy, brunette Ukranian model named Dasha Astafieva.
That piece of info alone should raise a red flag - and not only is Astafieva a brunette, she may even have real boobs - but numerous European sources are also reporting Hef's hot and heavy romance with the Playboy mogul.
This pic of Angelina Jolie look-alike Dasha Astafieva explains everything ...
Hugh Hefner's alleged relationship with Dasha Astafieva is royally pissing off The Girls Next Door - Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson.
Holly Madison, Hugh's "#1 girlfriend," whatever that means, is said to be taking this particularly hard. Holly wants to have the 82-year-old’s baby, and right now, she rules Bridget and Kendra in the girlfriend hierarchy.
But it's a delicate balance, you know. If another woman like Astafieva enters the picture, even Holly Madison nude could be on the outs.
Such is life at the Playboy Mansion.
According to Russia Today, Dasha (who won the reality show Stars Factory in the Ukraine) has already moved in with the girls as of late July.
The Enquirer doesn't have her living in the mansion yet, but says it's been hinted at and Hef’s girlfriends are “terrified” at the prospect.
Kendra, Bridget and Holly are also said to be worried that Dasha Astafieva will become a regular on their reality show, The Girls Next Door.
What would they call it, The Girls Next Four? Stay tuned.
When you're Hugh Hefner, even this gets passe eventually.
From thehollywoodgossip.com
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