Rob Rotten: Curse the Beasts and the Children

SUN VALLEY, Calif. - Sun Valley, California is the land time forgot. Once off the 5 Freeway, the traveler finds himself transported back to a Twilight Zone world that looks remarkably like 1962. It's here where porn auteur Rob Rotten has chosen to shoot his epic comeback movie for Metro, Swallow My Children.

Up a dusty driveway with signs warning those who venture there to "Watch for Rattlesnakes!" the reporter wonders if he's found the right location. After some uphill hiking, he sees a large trampoline set up in a side yard upon which a fleshy, naked gal is performing oral sex on some hapless stud.

Yep. This must be the place.

The house itself is a sprawling, ramshackle affair and Rotten greets visitors to his set with cold beers and hot pizza.

He gives an overview of the movie while shooting two scenes simultaneously. "It's a 15-scene all blowjob movie," explains Rotten. "It's hilarious. Everything's spontaneous and improvised. The only thing I have for this movie is an approved budget by Metro. That's how I roll with most of my movies."

But production manager Johnny Thrust is starting to show signs of cracking under the stress. Rotten will later relate how Thrust experienced some sort of breakdown much like that of the character Kurtz in Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness.

"Some of the girls are getting booked as we speak," explains Rotten, who manages to maintain his own sense of calm.

The only way to rattle Rob Rotten, I'm guessing, is to threaten him with an industrial-sized magnet.

"It's like a ball," Rotten says of his production. "Once it starts rolling, it doesn't stop. So far we've done 5 scenes out of 10 today, so we're half done and right on schedule...well, actually, we're about two hours ahead of schedule."

Of course, the extra time is going to shooting comical setups to the scenes themselves. Rotten explains, "We're having a lot of fun shooting the skits. That's my favorite part. Even though this is just a blowjob movie and even though most people would shoot all the blowjobs in one day, I'd rather take two days and make it real funny and put some time and care into it."

And while the various scenes are being shot, the owner of the location is advising several wide--eyed new starlets that if they like to travel, "China is the place to go. The American dollar is strong there."

One of the girls pipes up with all the confidence and wisdom of her 18 years on planet earth and volunteers, "I've been to China."

"Really?" asks the owner. "Where were you?"

"Japan," she says.

Meanwhile, Rotten's setting up for another blowjob exchange, this time involving himself with Kaylee Love Cox. All I know is that if you worked a circus chimp this hard, you'd be going to jail.

A few days later, Metro exec Christian Mann sends a missive regarding the shoot. It reads, "First, I want to apologize to anyone who may be offended by the title of Rob Rotten's new movie. I want to state unequivocally that absolutely no people were actually swallowed during the production of this movie. True, several million sperm-cells were indeed ingested as they passed through the gullets of several attractive and thirsty—or is it hungry?—ladies. The protein-craving lasses may have used their considerable fellatio skills to lure the little buggers out of the pulsing shafts of the would-be fathers, but it should be noted that absent contact with a fertile ovary, the swimmers cannot technically be considered people and as such, Rob cannot be charged with murder. In fact, Mr. Rotten should be applauded for his contribution to the cause of birth control in an over-populated world. I have no additional comment at this time."

Spoken like a true businessman, indeed.

Swallow My Children will star, among many: Sasha Grey, Daisy Tanks, Britney Stevens, Whitney Stevens, Fayth Deluca, August West, Chavon Taylor, Heather Gables, Marsha Lord, Allison Pierce, Brandi Lyons, Mercedez Santos, Leighiani Red, Roxy DeVille, Laurie Vargas and Jocelyn Jayden.

courtesy avn.com

visit RobRottenxxx.com

Real Notes Written By Parents!

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district.

Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits. ?

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

Some people are like Slinkies... not good for much of anything, but they still bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs.

Metro Interactive / Loaded Digital Presents Rob Rotten's Scurvy Girls 2

The world’s most outrageous porn director Rob Rotten has done it again with Scurvy Girls 2. Rated AAAA (AVN May 2007).

Scurvy Girls 2 is a very bizarre but humorous mixture of vignette scenes starring: cover-girl Annette Schwarz, Roxy De Ville, Logan James, Persia Decarlo, Donny Long, Johnny Thrust, Dick Tracy, Jay Ashley and Rob Rotten himself. Rob takes part in his creations both in front of and behind the camera.

Rob had this to say about Scurvy Girls 2 – “Arrgh… Scurvy Girls 2... Plenty more of the ol' in out in out with my malenky devotchkas. A real horror-show I tell ya my droogs. None of the lubbilubbing, viddy my merzky molodoy devotchkas sodding in this sinny just for the likes of you. Enjoy this zammechat sinny and all of my ptitsas licking yarbles... Viddy Well, Rob Rotten".

Adds Metro Sales VP Christian Mann: “Rob Rotten has expressed my sentiments so articulately

already! The only thing I can add is to remind distributors that every single one of Rob’s movies have received an AVN AAAA rating, and most important, they all sell like crazy. Mr. Rotten has a specialized fan-base that consistently seeks his titles out. To put it poetically: When the rest of the porn is long forgotten, people remember the films of Rob Rotten!”

Rotten’s other titles for Loaded Digital include: Fuck The System, Porn Of The Dead, Scurvy Girls 1, Sperm Sponges. Cumming soon to his collection is “Swallow My Children” currently in production.