Nowhere Angles Trailer

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Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers,

"Which one? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95"

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The salesperson annoyingly answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends.

If You're A Virgin... It's Your Lucky Day!

A reality show currently in production called "Virgin Territory," in which a group of the uninitiated will find their way to the promised land, is being cast now. Ironically, it's being brought to TV by the purveyor of Paris' sex tape, Kevin Blatt, who predicts that even more people will watch "Territory" than "One Night in Paris," Hilton's infamous night-visioned romp.

To help cast his TV show Blatt will be unveiling giant billboards in Times Square and Los Angeles, soliciting actual, live virgins in those cities. "Finding virgins in NYC or Los Angeles is no easy task," says Blatt.

You must be a male between the ages of 18 & 34 and have no sexual intercourse experience (in other words be a virgin).

Please send your name and contact inormation along with the requested items below to virginterritorycasting@gmail.com. Note!!! Don't Send Them To Me!!! All candidates will be contacted for our upcoming casting events.

Please attach three recent photos, no larger than 500k in size:

1. Head shot
2. Body shot
3. Favorite shot

Good luck!

Jessica Drake's Star Bio

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Ron Jeremy - Open And Candid

DECEMBER 2006

Ron Jeremy - Open and Candid

Ron Jeremy could hardly believe that tv’s The Surreal Life was interested in having the undisputed legend of taboo adult smut on their popular tv show. The beloved “Hedgehog” turned out a performance that many say stole the show amongst his co-stars of former mainstreams superstardom such as Vanilla Ice, Tammy Faye, Traci Bingham, Corey Feldman and rock singer Vince Neil. Ron was seemingly idolized by the others trapped in the house. One co-star, Traci was obsessed with Ron’s famed history and gifted endowment.

She really, really wanted to see Ron’s swingin’ hammer o’ love, and kept trying to disrobe him every single day that they were cooped up. Traci also dug his manly chest, complimenting him and stating that his hairy chest is attractive. Ron seemed perplexed that anyone would find his hairy man-boobs appealing, then realizes that she not much smarter than a plant. Only because he’s Ron!

Their adventures took them to a nudist resort where Ron felt more that comfortable. Not every cast memeber felt as “at home” as Ron-Tammy Faye practically had break down and Vanilla, after years of bragging about his enormous schlong, felt a bit nervous since it was now judgement day. Put not Mr. Jeremy, he’s cool with that, because he's packing a third leg in his tighty whities. While Ice says that he's all for getting naked, but only with his wife around, and not with a bunch of people staring at him. Being a true gentleman, Ron elected not to show off his unit. Ice points out that even though Ron's a porn star, he doesn't go around waggling his woody at everyone, which is a comforting thought.

Ron didn't want to get nude yet, because he knew his eventual nudity could be used as a bargaining chip later in the game. For the sake of all the viewers, Ron agrees to Traci that if she removes her top, he'll whip out his moneymaker. In another attempt at exposing this top heavy hottie, Ron asks Traci if she's wearing underwear, and she says she's not. So he keeps dropping a towel on the floor to sneak a peek between her legs.

Finally, Ron’s coaxing resulted in some form of celebrity nudity: At the dinner table, after Ron reiterates his offer of shared nakedness, Trishelle takes off her towel. As she explains, she's twenty-three, and she always does stupid things, so this is no big deal for her. In fact, she's happy that she's nude. Ron kept his end of the bargin, living up to his reputation-sporting the "Cadillac of Cocks," tagged by a co-star. Dispite Ron’s playful attempts Traci reneges the deal. The entire cast joined Ron in this arguement, trying to make her feel guilty for not getting naked, but it doesn't work. We all appreciate Ron’s diligence, perhaps there will be more Ron Reality someday soon!

AVN Awards Show Pics

Courtesy AVN

Here are a bunch of pictures from last Saturday's AVN Awards. Lots of stars here so click on through to see Daisy, Rocco Siffredi, Brittney Skye, Nadia Styles, Jake Malone, Dave Cummings, Dustin "Dirty Sanchez" Diamond, Ron Jeremy, Alektra Blue, Pat Myne, Tera Patrick, Jada Fire, Kat, Nikki Benz, Mark Wood, Jesse Jane, Kristen Price, Francesca Le, Mary Carey, Delilah Strong, Sierra Sinn, Shy Love, Eva Angelina, Jessica Drake, Brad Armstrong, David Joseph, Britney Stevens, Alana Evans, Veronique Vega, Rob Rotten, Sunrise Adams, Lexi Bardoux, Brian Pumper, Aurora Snow, Chris Evans, Katsumi, Jana Cova, Marie Luv, Melissa Lauren, Sophia Santi, Stefani Morgan, Monique Alexander, Sunny Leone, Lanny Barby, Gina Michaels, Rachael Lyn, Max Hardcore, Shay Jordan, Naudia Nyce, Alaura Eden, Jenna Jameson with new boyfriend Tito Oritz, Lexi Love, Kinzie Kenner, Joanna Angel, Barrett Blade, Brea Lynn, Jean Val Jean, Courtney Cummz, Nikki Nine, Trina Michaels, Taylor Wayne, Cherokee, Amy Reid, Greg Alvez, Chanel St. James, Brea Bennett, Sophia Rossi, Ashton Moore, Flower Tucci, Gina Lynn, Jenna Haze, Penny Flame, Nikita Denise, T.J. Hart, Janine, Sophie Dee and Kurt Lockwood. Oh, there are lots more! I just got tired of typing, OK!

Presenters include Gene Simmons, Chriss Angel, Jim Norton. Sorry, no shots of Dave Navarro.

All the newest girls in the industry are here so get a preview of who you'll be seeing on film this year!
Click Here To View Pics

AVN Awards Show Pics

Courtesy AVN

Here are a bunch of pictures from last Saturday's AVN Awards. Lots of stars here so click on through to see Daisy, Rocco Siffredi, Brittney Skye, Nadia Styles, Jake Malone, Dave Cummings, Dustin "Dirty Sanchez" Diamond, Ron Jeremy, Alektra Blue, Pat Myne, Tera Patrick, Jada Fire, Kat, Nikki Benz, Mark Wood, Jesse Jane, Kristen Price, Francesca Le, Mary Carey, Delilah Strong, Sierra Sinn, Shy Love, Eva Angelina, Jessica Drake, Brad Armstrong, David Joseph, Britney Stevens, Alana Evans, Veronique Vega, Rob Rotten, Sunrise Adams, Lexi Bardoux, Brian Pumper, Aurora Snow, Chris Evans, Katsumi, Jana Cova, Marie Luv, Melissa Lauren, Sophia Santi, Stefani Morgan, Monique Alexander, Sunny Leone, Lanny Barby, Gina Michaels, Rachael Lyn, Max Hardcore, Shay Jordan, Naudia Nyce, Alaura Eden, Jenna Jameson with new boyfriend Tito Oritz, Lexi Love, Kinzie Kenner, Joanna Angel, Barrett Blade, Brea Lynn, Jean Val Jean, Courtney Cummz, Nikki Nine, Trina Michaels, Taylor Wayne, Cherokee, Amy Reid, Greg Alvez, Chanel St. James, Brea Bennett, Sophia Rossi, Ashton Moore, Flower Tucci, Gina Lynn, Jenna Haze, Penny Flame, Nikita Denise, T.J. Hart, Janine, Sophie Dee and Kurt Lockwood. Oh, there are lots more! I just got tired of typing, OK!

Presenters include Gene Simmons, Chriss Angel, Jim Norton. Sorry, no shots of Dave Navarro.

All the newest girls in the industry are here so get a preview of who you'll be seeing on film this year!
Click Here To View Pics

David Aaron Clark Interviewed

Interview and photos by Luke Ford

Luke: "Do you think you get more privates than any other director?"

David: "No. Jeff [Steward] and Tony [Malice] are just pissed at me. Considering that I will only [have relations with] an Asian girl...

"I don't know how I can be one of the poorest directors in porn and one of the biggest whoremongers."

Luke: "I live a life humbly devoted to the truth and I can't help but attract fellow truth-seekers along the way."

David: "You're the center of the universe. What do you give back? What did you give back to that lady aside from a few moments of fleeting pleasure?"

Luke: "I gave to her from my soul."

David: "That's what Jenna Haze says on her MySpace page.

"How does it feel to be one with LA now? You are no longer the outsider who cares not for the game."

Luke: "Are you casting for your next big feature?"

David: "I never do that. I'm not saying I've never hired a hooker.

"You were the only press that came to my shoot."

Luke: "I got to capture you in all of your majesty."

David: "What a good sport I am that I don't even want to find you and beat you to a pulp for that. Here, let me take a picture of the fat man slouching as he sits down so he'll look his best from the side. I knew when you were taking the pictures that day that it was going to be horrifying.

"It just ran right off my shoulders. I was prepared. I'll have to send you the link to the pictures the other photographer took that day. I look good in those pictures."

Luke: "How do you feel about Jeff Steward and JM Productions getting popped for obscenity?"

David: "It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. It's like Rob Black all over again -- a guy who said 'F--- you' to the industry. We'll make our money how we want. We're not responsible to anybody.' Now they're going to be looking to the industry to back them up.

"I wonder if Jeff Steward will get [Free Speech Coalition's] 'Freedom Isn't Free' Award.

"Being a big pornographer, I hate the heat. I can see already that it is going to be a hot summer. I'm going to try to lay back and make my porn."

Luke: "How do you feel about your body?"

David: "It's a wreck. I guess if I was one of those rich successful directors that people talk about, I'd be spending on hookers and stomach-stapling."

Luke: "Do you want to follow in Nic Andrews footsteps?"

David: "No. Those are big footsteps to follow in."

Clark says he got over his vampire fetish once he drank blood.

David used to cut himself on stage and had an affair with a crazy young woman who sliced him up and landed both of them in the New York Post.

David: "Not for ten years. That was a lifetime ago. I swear."

I sigh.

David: "You can be silent but I'm not going to say anything more incriminating."

Luke: "You were dealing with pain in your own way."

David: "I guess it's all internalized now.

"Do you know why I am bored with life? Because it just repeats itself."

Luke: "Circular is secular. You're stuck in a [pagan] circle. Judaism says life is linear, that history must go forward to the ultimate redemption. There's a reason for living. There is a Judge and there is Judgment. Therefore, there is meaning to our lives."

David: "Now we go to the part where all religions go whacko -- that there is a reward beyond existing. Now you sound like you're standing in one of your ill-fitting suits at my door clutching a Bible and asking me if I've heard the good news.

"What's wrong with having three wives?"

Luke: "It doesn't work."

David: "Have you ever tried?"

Luke: "I don't have to fall into a ditch to see that there's a ditch. Wisdom is learning from others so you don't repeat their mistakes."

David: "Nothing beats experience."

Luke: "The wise man doesn't have to experience things."

David: "How then does he become wise? What is the path to wisdom?"

Luke: "Learning from others without needing to repeat their mistakes."

David: "How do you know which actions are mistakes?"

Luke: "That's why you need to refer to a transcendent moral code aka the Bible."

David: "We need a moral code, but who writes that moral code?"

Luke: "Unless God does, it doesn't matter. It's just an opinion."

David: "I have yet to run into anybody who God spoke to more clearly than anybody else. How do we get the pure word of God?"

Luke: "You can judge by its results. Three thousand years ago, a tiny people entered history claiming that God had spoken to them and ever since then, they've influenced the world for good more than any other people. Jews gave to the world a transcendent moral code, the idea that history has meaning, that our lives have purpose, and that we should move forward to a better world. The Gifts of the Jews: How a Tribe of Desert Nomads Changed the Way Everyone Thinks and Feels."

David: "The Chinese gave us fireworks."

What's really sad, David, is not just how far you are from God, but that you don't even feel any pain over it.

Luke: "You laugh. You mock. But there is a Judge and there will be Judgment. Confronting the futility of your existence must make you uncomfortable."

David: "It makes me nostalgic for when I was a kid and the Jesus freaks would try to get me to come to their creepy Saturday meetings."

Luke: "It doesn't bother you that there is no objective meaning to your life unless you subscribe to a transcendent source?"

David: "No. I've come to terms with the existential black hole of my existence. Does that trouble you?"

Luke: "Yes. I think you could do so much more with your life than making pornography. It makes me sad that you waste your talents."

David: "Does it keep you up at night?"

Luke: "No. I can't do anything about your choices."

Each day David has the chance to choose God and each day he chooses instead foolishness.

David: "What could I be doing that would really make any difference? I'm not going to join the Peace Corps."

Luke: "You could plumb the depths of Torah and how I influenced you to turn your life around, from dwelling in the gutter to leading an honorable existence."

David: "Then I'd have to keep up my blog every day too. That is part of the religious responsibility?"

Luke: "Yes. To be a blog unto the nations, a light on the hill that will not be quenched."

David: "Blogging is the actualization of mankind into a wonderful new mentality where everybody's bowel movements and fights with neighbors are shared with us all. I can see the oneness in that. If you are going to go for oneness, you are going to go for the lowest common denominator.

"I'm too old and smart for satanism and I don't think anyone is dragging me into a regular church.

"Satanists really bug me because they're dumb. They tend to have high IQs but they feel that the organized religion they've known is a ripoff. They're ready to buy into another system that is just as idiotic but doesn't have any redeeming codes to live by. Satanism should be the state religion of LA."

Luke: "Why are so many porn chicks into satanism?"

David: "It speaks to inveterate rebels at a certain point of development. When they are black sheep, they look for something that says it is OK to be black sheep when you are better than everyone else."

Luke: "Doesn't it bother you that there's no ultimate meaning to your life?"

David: "Do you want me to break down and start crying? How would you transcribe that? 'David broke into animal sobs of existential despair.' Go ahead and say that."

Luke: "That's when I pick you up and show you a better path."

David: "You don't want to save me just like that. Where's the Alexa points in that?"

Luke: "I'm not in this for Alexa points. The only reason I write on the porn industry is that God told me to do so. I'm here to save souls."

David: "Do you know how much that would terrify me if you meant that? From then on, I'd alway want to make sure I knew where you hands were if ever I were in your presence."

Luke: "Do you have love in your life? If you're happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it."

David: "I have love for you of a higher sort. It's something we don't need to touch to consummate.

"Would you have a threesome with two chicks?"

Luke: "It would depend on the who the chicks were."

David: "How does that work with an infallible transcendent moral code?"

Luke: "It would be a violation of it."

David: "But you admit that given the correct circumstances, you would violate your moral code."

Luke: "I wouldn't sacrifice a good relationship to have that fling..."

David: "What kind of moral code is that when you can violate it?"

Luke: "The code does not change. It's my personal weakness."

David's burned that I didn't invite him to my 40th birthday party at Holly's.

David: "We could've said, 'Excuse me! We have a special event right now.' And we could've stepped behind a podium and discussed these things. They would've loved it.

"But no. Shallow L.A. Luke didn't want big fat smelly intellectual porn directors at his birthday parties. He wanted hot Penthouse chicks and photographers. I see how you are."

Luke: "Other people were hosting. It wasn't up to me."

David: "My life is filled with disappointment. This is just another one. This almost ranks up there with finding out that John T. Bone is not Santa Claus."

Luke: "It's a good sign when you throw a party and people get mad at you for not being invited.

"When are you shooting next? I want to capture your inner beauty."

David: "Good ol' Christian [Mann]. I wanted to kill him for complaining that you weren't nasty enough to his movie."

Luke: "He accused me of selling out."

David: "Rather than enjoying his favored status... That's why we like him. He's like us. He's not satisfied with things going his way. It all has to be morally correct too. Rather than just accept a freebie, he had to say something like that.

"Do you know what troubles me about my life? That I can't write anymore."

Luke: "Because you realize your life is ultimately meaningless and there's no point to your writing?"

David: "Being championed after my passing doesn't appeal to me."

Luke: "You want the championing now?"

David: "Yeah. Don't give me some reply couched in Judaism."

Luke: "It's natural to want a good name. It's what God promised to Abraham. I will make you reknowned. In you will all the families of the earth be blessed. I will make your descendents as numerous as the stars."

David: "Ahh, you get to want to be famous if you're a Jew?"

Luke: "It's a natural human instinct to want everyone to know the good things you do and not want people to know the bad things you do."

David: "It's acceptable."

Luke: "It's OK, David."

David: "In Christianity..."

Luke: "Christianity is more self-abnegating."

David: "We are talking about a basic need of human nature. Christianity takes human impulses that we're all prey to and it holds them up as huge sins. Therefore you are going to need them your entire life to keep on the straight and narrow.

"I can't write anymore. I can't write a short story."

Luke: "According to an article in the New Yorker three years ago, writers block is an American affliction. It's like being 'stressed.' Only Americans say that."

David: "The internet is responsible for my writers block because writing seems pointless now."

Luke: "Because anyone can do it?"

David: "Anyone can shove it in everyone's face. It used to be that you had to have skill or something of interest... No offence, but all these online publishers. Anyone can have a book on Amazon.com.

"My life is meaningless because of self-publishers and bloggers. Blogging is the path to despair."

Luke: "Everything is a path of despair for you."

David: "No. Sweet joys of life - foreign movies, a walk in the park on Sunday morning, dimpsung with a 19yo virgin."

Luke: "When did you last have a virgin?"

David: "I don't think I've ever had a virgin. Have you?"

Luke: "I believe so. It wasn't very good."

David: "Do you still do Holly?"

Luke: "No. Not for three months."

David: "Do you try?"

Luke: "No. Not really. About two months ago in her bathroom, I put my arms around her and she told me to step back because she has to put hairspray on. She's promised her therapist she'll be celibate for six months."

David: "Doesn't that imply something?"

Luke: "That it's hard for her to be celibate. She's a ho."

David: "What?"

Luke: "It's a vernacular term the young people use for a hooker."

David: "She's not a ho."

Luke: "She's a slut."

David: "That's more accurate. You'd think a slut is better than ho but they don't want to be called sluts. That sounds nasty to them. Now you have chicks, who, five years ago if you'd called them a whore they would've been offended, now go to clubs and say, 'I'm a ho.'"

Luke: "Holly does not look at it as if she's been sexually exploited [or demeaned]. She looks at it as empowering that she can seduce so many men."

David: "I've been hearing that one for 25 years."

Luke: "How many women have you empowered?"

David: "Or been empowered by?"

Adult Entertainment Expo - 1st Fan Day Wrap Up!

LAS VEGAS - The day breaks early on the floor of AEE 2007. Yesterday, things were strictly business-to-business, but today the floodgates opened wide as fans from around the world (well, some of them had foreign-sounding accents, at least) and around the nation showed up in force to strut their stuff in all manner of outlandish dress (and, in some cases, undress) -- and to mingle, press flesh and capture the souls of porn chicks through the technological magic of cell phone cameras.

Best line heard during the first wave of fans, from a muscle-bound, pec-flexing pornoholic: “I blasted these guns for three weeks solid, dude. Damn right I’m wearing a tank top!”

If anyone is to be pitied when the fans arrive, it’s the starlets who stand or sit for hours signing slicks and sundry promotional material for the slavering horde. The Naughty America booth had a brilliant idea by designing what was, essentially, a suburban house where the girls could loll around on twin beds.

As curvy Gianna Michaels said, “Those other girls are going to get tired fast. I’m getting to paid to lay around in bed all day.” That, and of course, the setting presented the girls in their natural habitat. If you tuned out the pulsing music and crush of bodies, you could almost imagine that you were back in the wilds of the San Fernando Valley. It was only when one of the security personnel asked you for the 40th time to turn your badge around so that it could be read, that you were yanked out of your fantasy and placed smack-dab back in Vegas.

Wicked Pictures head Steve Orenstein, looking fresh after last night’s company shindig at Tao, said of Day 2, “Things are just getting started, but it’s great so far! The booth is working great for us. And yesterday was great as a trade-only day.”

Howard Levine, sales guru of Vivid Entertainment was equally enthused about his second day in the AEE trenches. “Day 1 was really good, for us,” said Levine. “We were really busy,” he continued. “We wrote a lot of orders and we’ve had constant appointments. Things are strong, but I hope next year things will be set up so that we get two days as business-only so we can get things done. But overall, the show’s going great.”

The K-Beech boys were doing a brisk trade at their spacious installation, as Teanna Kai sucked in the crowd like a whirlpool of sticky plum sauce. Ray Burke of the company's Back End division reported strong interest in Kai's latest vehicle The Teacher.

Pleasure Productions' John Paone said that his booth drew heavy traffic thanks to new contract girl Tera Wray and slinky Italian imports Michelle Ferrari, Roberta Missoni and Luna Stern. "We attracted a lot of fans, but we've also been writing a lot of business," Paone said. "We're very happy with the ratio so far."

Mark Kulkis, owner of Kick-Ass Productions, was basking in the knowledge that his company was getting some serious fan attention. Cute girls, crazy novelties and big posters proclaiming “It's not piss!” seem to have caught on with the fans. Kulkis was in agreement with the general assessment that business was going swimmingly.

Asked if he thought that 2007 might be a stronger year than 2006, Kulkis said, “I heard someone say something like, if they're staying even at this point, they’re doing okay. But DVD sales are down in the mainstream, too. Everybody just tries to hold the line.”

A massive fan crush formed around the Hustler booth as Larry Flynt himself laid down the free-speech law -- 'cause that's just the way the man rolls. The big news for Hustler Video was a new distribution deal with Nautica Thorn Productions, inked just this afternoon. The starlet herself was all smiles as she posed with male and female fans. The one-year agreement will see Thorn's company producing four hardcore vignette movies including the internet fantasy-themed EnterNautica.com.

Elegant Angel's Mike Barbella was busy passing out his company’s promotional goodies to eager fans who loved the t-shirts and ball caps. “First day of fan day! It’s been great," Barbella raved. "Yesterday was also awesome. People love Elegant Angel. They know the stuff and they love the stuff and it shows. It’s been a wonderful show so far. And we’re really happy to touch base with our fans today.”

The overall opinion as the day wore on was that yesterday had been great for business, but that today was for the fans.

As things wound down, Kylie Ireland was gamely signing autographs for the last of the die-hard fans. Asked how it felt to be on her feet for so long, Ireland offered, “Today has been absolutely insane! I’ve gotten so much feedback from my fans from Corruption as well as all the other movies I’ve been doing. The fans are happy I’m directing and they’re watching my stuff. The feedback is always the best part of the show for me.”

One director who mixed business with meeting the fans was the irrepressible Max Hardcore. One could almost hear the strains of ZZ Top's "Precious and Grace" (or was it "Nasty Dogs and Funky Kings"?) cutting through the techno-din as the controversial director prowled the show floor with his super-freaky girls Layla and Ange Venus.

“I love coming up here for these shows,” said Max. “I’m not sure how much business is done here. To me, it’s just a big party. It's always fantastic to see so many good-looking whores in one place.”

Of course, Max being Max, when asked if he had any pertinent observations regarding the show, he said, “Porn whores seem to be psychologically incapable of telling the truth. Even when it’s in their best interest and the easiest path to take…but that’s what makes these shows fun.”

To see a gallery of images from AEE Day 2, click here.

Photos by AVN photographers Gia Jordan, Hewman Being, Gareth Pursehouse and Rick Shameless.

Top Ten Features of Bush's New Iraq Plan

From Dave Letterman's show, Jan. 10, 2007.

10. Make the war best two-out-of-three

9. Blame it on that crazy New York gas leak

8. Convene blue-ribbon study group; ignore recommendations

7. Consult with Rumsfeld, who's now working as a casino greeter

6. Sit on ass until January 2009; let Hillary figure it out

5. Send Cheney to Baghdad with a shotgun

4. Tax cuts for the rich

3. Put Giants coach Tom Coughlin in charge of enemy, watch them collapse

2. Raise money for escalation by robbing Mick Jagger's apartment

1. Dig up Saddam and execute him again

Are You Going To The Adult Entertainment Expo?

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