Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
"The Discerning Gentleman's Guide to Gangbang Etiquette"
by The Cowboy Detective
So you've been invited to an orgy. Congratulations!
The following guide should help you navigate the treacherous waters of gangbang etiquette and avoid those common faux pas that can turn perfectly delightful public sex with random strangers into a semen-stained social embarrassment.
What To Bring
Most orgy invitations will specify what, if anything, should be brought by the attendees. Read everything carved into the bathroom stall door to make sure you didn't miss any important details. Aside from a raging boner and a dish to pass, here is a list of other things you might want to consider:
-Cock ring
-Personal lubricant
-Shitload of hand sanitizer
-Armadillo, declawed
-Duct tape
-Viking helmet
-Not AIDS
Arriving
Always be punctual when attending a gangbang. (This will be the only time during the evening when coming early is actually encouraged!) Remember, there are dozens of people you don't know waiting for you to stick parts of your body in them. It is rude to make them wait. Showing up late not only reflects poorly on you, but also prevents you from getting in on the action from the beginning. Few things are more awkward than trying to strike up an ice-breaking conversation with a woman who already has some other dude's junk jammed in her throat.
And while it's not exactly considered rude to already have your cock out when you arrive, you should make the effort to dress it up a bit. The sight of a naked man with an engorged penis unceremoniously stumbling into a room full of strangers can be unpleasant and awkward. A little pirate hat or some flame decals down the sides are nice touches and make it more fun for everyone.
Choosing Partners
As stated above, it is best to arrive early. This will allow you the opportunity to meet and assess potential partners, and discuss any specialties, favorites, and taboos. Nothing is more embarrassing than finding out the hard way your partner does not enjoy it when you shit on her back.
Also, don't be afraid to learn some names! Instead of saying, "Take this face fucking, you cockslut!" most women prefer that you say, "Take this face fucking, Pam! You cockslut." It's the personal touch that will guarantee you future opportunities to fuck her face.
Be open-minded with your selections. While most men will be lining up to throw a shot into the attractive women, you should find yourself a woman who, while being substantially uglier, will most likely have low enough self-esteem to let you do some seriously fucked up shit to her. Remember, what a woman looks like is entirely inconsequential. Aside from being the place where she keeps a suckhole, her face has little purpose beyond serving as a resting place for your fatigued genitals.
A gangbang is all about variety. Try not to get locked into the same four or five snatches and buttholes. Mix it up a little bit!
The Fucking
Once an orgy begins, it quickly becomes a room full of flying dicks and tits, and it's easy to get caught up in all the dick-and-tit-flying and forget your manners. Here are some guidelines to help you avoid common mistakes usually made while fucking.
A Modicum of Foreplay is Always Appreciated
At a gangbang, it is certainly not expected that you bring a woman flowers, but on the other hand, you don't want to just mount her and start jackhammering her twat like a monkey on angel dust. Women in general like a little romance and tenderness, and some doped-up skank writhing around in a dimly-lit furnished basement is no exception.
Mouth kissing is usually acceptable, but very risky in a group sex setting, and therefore not recommended. Depending on where her mouth was (or more importantly what was in it) just prior to your encounter will make the difference between a pleasant pre-sex interaction and getting a mouthful of cum belch. Kissing other parts of her body runs similar risks. Absent a black light, you must assume any woman with whom you engage is currently coated entirely in dried spunk.
Fondling and rubbing is a tolerable solution, but still runs the risk of getting semen into your eyes, mouth, and mucous membranes through incidental secondary contact. A quick tit slap or a poke in the neck with your cock will alleviate much of this risk and still accomplish the goal of tactile arousal.
Remember, as much as you want to be polite and get a woman properly aroused, you also want to avoid touching her jizz-sprayed body as much as possible.
Assplay is by Invitation Only
Whether it's your big toe, car keys, or some other chick's face, it is the height of rudeness to stick anything into someone else's asshole without permission. A simple, "Pardon me miss, but do you mind if I slam this into your pooper?" will not only be appreciated for its thoughtfulness, but can also help prevent a situation where you are injured by something that might already be up there. You must treat each asshole you encounter with the respect it deserves.
Don't Fuck Other Dudes
I really can't stress this enough. I know when you've got a boner that could punch a hole through a cinder block and the only available place to stick it is some other guy's stink winker, it seems pretty tempting. But remember, this is a gangbang, not Ben Affleck's tool shed. Try to exhibit some class.
Aside from the obvious anal and oral sex restrictions, dick-on-dick contact is also strictly prohibited. Incidental cock bumping is to be expected, but never acknowledged, and never prolonged. The commonly accepted time limit for dick touching is about three seconds.
Understandably, there are certain multiple-partner sexual positions where the men outnumber the women that will involve some inevitable ball touching and sack friction. This is unavoidable, and therefore acceptable. But again, sexual contact with other men should never be intentional and always kept to a minimum. And remember, never, ever make eye contact with a man whose genitals are touching yours. That moment could haunt you for the rest of your life.
The exception to this rule is, of course, if it was explicitly stated to be "that kind of party" and you're into "that sort of thing." Then you can do whatever you want, you fucking homo.
Always Thank Your Partner
It is a widespread misconception that not ejaculating directly into a woman's eyes or nostrils is thanks enough for letting you work her lady parts like a prizefighter on a speed bag. The rules of common courtesy say otherwise. Just because you did things to her that wouldn’t be appropriate to do to a goat at an Alabama house-warming is no reason to be rude.
A simple "Thanks for letting me fuck you so much," followed by a cock-slap to the ass is acceptable, if a bit curt. Remember, a little extra politeness doesn’t cost you anything, and can make some ridiculous jizzrag feel good about herself for a change.
"I came so hard I think my dick went back in time," or "If Jesus had a pussy as sweet as yours, the Jews might not have murdered him," are imaginative and memorable ways to express your gratitude. Remember, a cheap whore is always a good time, but a cheap whore who feels appreciated makes a more pleasant evening for everyone.
Don't Touch the Stereo
You are a guest and it is disrespectful to your host. Also, it's probably covered in semen.
The Grand Finale
This, of course, is the whole reason why you’re here: to orgasm in public. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and do something that will embarrass you or other guests at the fuck party. Don’t let your manners shoot out of your dick along with all that busted nut!
First comes the announcement. It’s good to make a show of it to let people know how much you are enjoying yourself, and it also allows any nearby women to get their faces into position. Simply yelling, "I’m coming!" is trite and clichéd. Something more colorful like, "Sweet Molly, it’s a cold night in Tucson!" or "Eat my dick bullets!" can serve as a real attention getter and let everyone know how excited the idea of ejaculating in front of them makes you. This will get them excited as well, and everyone will have a good time as you spray the room with your ball juice.
Next is to carefully consider where to launch your cock splatter. It is a good idea to practice at home ahead of time as much as possible so you can properly determine distance and volume. With those measurements in mind, always try to aim your exploding man cannon onto as many women within range as possible.
Don’t worry if the woman is not facing you or doesn’t seem particularly interested in having you shoot your love chowder onto her. Rules of gangbang etiquette dictate that your earlier announcement is more than sufficient warning. After all, if a woman doesn’t want you to blow dick snot all over her back and into her hair, why is she even there?
And it is very important to remember that the restrictions against sexual contact with other men include not jizzing on each other. If you and another male participant are preparing to porkblast on the same chick at the same time, it is always preferable to take turns. If that does not seem feasible, then you must always make sure to not position yourselves directly across from one another and aim down. Nothing ruins an otherwise pleasant evening faster than a navel-full of some other guy’s splooge.
Final Thought
With a little practice and mindfulness, proper gangbang etiquette will become second nature. The most important thing to remember is to have fun! After all, what kind of hopeless faggot can't enjoy a night of banging some nasty-ass bitches?
Happy humping!
from http://www.juvenilecomedy.com/gangbang.htm
So you've been invited to an orgy. Congratulations!
The following guide should help you navigate the treacherous waters of gangbang etiquette and avoid those common faux pas that can turn perfectly delightful public sex with random strangers into a semen-stained social embarrassment.
What To Bring
Most orgy invitations will specify what, if anything, should be brought by the attendees. Read everything carved into the bathroom stall door to make sure you didn't miss any important details. Aside from a raging boner and a dish to pass, here is a list of other things you might want to consider:
-Cock ring
-Personal lubricant
-Shitload of hand sanitizer
-Armadillo, declawed
-Duct tape
-Viking helmet
-Not AIDS
Arriving
Always be punctual when attending a gangbang. (This will be the only time during the evening when coming early is actually encouraged!) Remember, there are dozens of people you don't know waiting for you to stick parts of your body in them. It is rude to make them wait. Showing up late not only reflects poorly on you, but also prevents you from getting in on the action from the beginning. Few things are more awkward than trying to strike up an ice-breaking conversation with a woman who already has some other dude's junk jammed in her throat.
And while it's not exactly considered rude to already have your cock out when you arrive, you should make the effort to dress it up a bit. The sight of a naked man with an engorged penis unceremoniously stumbling into a room full of strangers can be unpleasant and awkward. A little pirate hat or some flame decals down the sides are nice touches and make it more fun for everyone.
Choosing Partners
As stated above, it is best to arrive early. This will allow you the opportunity to meet and assess potential partners, and discuss any specialties, favorites, and taboos. Nothing is more embarrassing than finding out the hard way your partner does not enjoy it when you shit on her back.
Also, don't be afraid to learn some names! Instead of saying, "Take this face fucking, you cockslut!" most women prefer that you say, "Take this face fucking, Pam! You cockslut." It's the personal touch that will guarantee you future opportunities to fuck her face.
Be open-minded with your selections. While most men will be lining up to throw a shot into the attractive women, you should find yourself a woman who, while being substantially uglier, will most likely have low enough self-esteem to let you do some seriously fucked up shit to her. Remember, what a woman looks like is entirely inconsequential. Aside from being the place where she keeps a suckhole, her face has little purpose beyond serving as a resting place for your fatigued genitals.
A gangbang is all about variety. Try not to get locked into the same four or five snatches and buttholes. Mix it up a little bit!
The Fucking
Once an orgy begins, it quickly becomes a room full of flying dicks and tits, and it's easy to get caught up in all the dick-and-tit-flying and forget your manners. Here are some guidelines to help you avoid common mistakes usually made while fucking.
A Modicum of Foreplay is Always Appreciated
At a gangbang, it is certainly not expected that you bring a woman flowers, but on the other hand, you don't want to just mount her and start jackhammering her twat like a monkey on angel dust. Women in general like a little romance and tenderness, and some doped-up skank writhing around in a dimly-lit furnished basement is no exception.
Mouth kissing is usually acceptable, but very risky in a group sex setting, and therefore not recommended. Depending on where her mouth was (or more importantly what was in it) just prior to your encounter will make the difference between a pleasant pre-sex interaction and getting a mouthful of cum belch. Kissing other parts of her body runs similar risks. Absent a black light, you must assume any woman with whom you engage is currently coated entirely in dried spunk.
Fondling and rubbing is a tolerable solution, but still runs the risk of getting semen into your eyes, mouth, and mucous membranes through incidental secondary contact. A quick tit slap or a poke in the neck with your cock will alleviate much of this risk and still accomplish the goal of tactile arousal.
Remember, as much as you want to be polite and get a woman properly aroused, you also want to avoid touching her jizz-sprayed body as much as possible.
Assplay is by Invitation Only
Whether it's your big toe, car keys, or some other chick's face, it is the height of rudeness to stick anything into someone else's asshole without permission. A simple, "Pardon me miss, but do you mind if I slam this into your pooper?" will not only be appreciated for its thoughtfulness, but can also help prevent a situation where you are injured by something that might already be up there. You must treat each asshole you encounter with the respect it deserves.
Don't Fuck Other Dudes
I really can't stress this enough. I know when you've got a boner that could punch a hole through a cinder block and the only available place to stick it is some other guy's stink winker, it seems pretty tempting. But remember, this is a gangbang, not Ben Affleck's tool shed. Try to exhibit some class.
Aside from the obvious anal and oral sex restrictions, dick-on-dick contact is also strictly prohibited. Incidental cock bumping is to be expected, but never acknowledged, and never prolonged. The commonly accepted time limit for dick touching is about three seconds.
Understandably, there are certain multiple-partner sexual positions where the men outnumber the women that will involve some inevitable ball touching and sack friction. This is unavoidable, and therefore acceptable. But again, sexual contact with other men should never be intentional and always kept to a minimum. And remember, never, ever make eye contact with a man whose genitals are touching yours. That moment could haunt you for the rest of your life.
The exception to this rule is, of course, if it was explicitly stated to be "that kind of party" and you're into "that sort of thing." Then you can do whatever you want, you fucking homo.
Always Thank Your Partner
It is a widespread misconception that not ejaculating directly into a woman's eyes or nostrils is thanks enough for letting you work her lady parts like a prizefighter on a speed bag. The rules of common courtesy say otherwise. Just because you did things to her that wouldn’t be appropriate to do to a goat at an Alabama house-warming is no reason to be rude.
A simple "Thanks for letting me fuck you so much," followed by a cock-slap to the ass is acceptable, if a bit curt. Remember, a little extra politeness doesn’t cost you anything, and can make some ridiculous jizzrag feel good about herself for a change.
"I came so hard I think my dick went back in time," or "If Jesus had a pussy as sweet as yours, the Jews might not have murdered him," are imaginative and memorable ways to express your gratitude. Remember, a cheap whore is always a good time, but a cheap whore who feels appreciated makes a more pleasant evening for everyone.
Don't Touch the Stereo
You are a guest and it is disrespectful to your host. Also, it's probably covered in semen.
The Grand Finale
This, of course, is the whole reason why you’re here: to orgasm in public. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and do something that will embarrass you or other guests at the fuck party. Don’t let your manners shoot out of your dick along with all that busted nut!
First comes the announcement. It’s good to make a show of it to let people know how much you are enjoying yourself, and it also allows any nearby women to get their faces into position. Simply yelling, "I’m coming!" is trite and clichéd. Something more colorful like, "Sweet Molly, it’s a cold night in Tucson!" or "Eat my dick bullets!" can serve as a real attention getter and let everyone know how excited the idea of ejaculating in front of them makes you. This will get them excited as well, and everyone will have a good time as you spray the room with your ball juice.
Next is to carefully consider where to launch your cock splatter. It is a good idea to practice at home ahead of time as much as possible so you can properly determine distance and volume. With those measurements in mind, always try to aim your exploding man cannon onto as many women within range as possible.
Don’t worry if the woman is not facing you or doesn’t seem particularly interested in having you shoot your love chowder onto her. Rules of gangbang etiquette dictate that your earlier announcement is more than sufficient warning. After all, if a woman doesn’t want you to blow dick snot all over her back and into her hair, why is she even there?
And it is very important to remember that the restrictions against sexual contact with other men include not jizzing on each other. If you and another male participant are preparing to porkblast on the same chick at the same time, it is always preferable to take turns. If that does not seem feasible, then you must always make sure to not position yourselves directly across from one another and aim down. Nothing ruins an otherwise pleasant evening faster than a navel-full of some other guy’s splooge.
Final Thought
With a little practice and mindfulness, proper gangbang etiquette will become second nature. The most important thing to remember is to have fun! After all, what kind of hopeless faggot can't enjoy a night of banging some nasty-ass bitches?
Happy humping!
from http://www.juvenilecomedy.com/gangbang.htm
Friday, October 05, 2007
Check Out This Great Deal On CraigsList!
Click Here!
Original 1962 Gibson Air Guitar - $750
Reply to: sale-440860587@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-05, 9:49AM PDT
Well I recently got a new job and I never have time to play anymore so I guess its time to get rid of my baby...This is an original 1962 Gibson Les Paul air guitar...NOT a knock off!!! I've seen replicas sell for $500+...imagine what you could get for the real deal!! It's got an amazing sound and the quality of craftsmanship is unmatched. A true one of a kind piece! I have an air amp that I'll throw in for free to whoever the lucky buyer is. I posted pics below so you could see how amazing this deal really is. Don't hesitate cause this baby will not last.
Original 1962 Gibson Air Guitar - $750
Reply to: sale-440860587@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-05, 9:49AM PDT
Well I recently got a new job and I never have time to play anymore so I guess its time to get rid of my baby...This is an original 1962 Gibson Les Paul air guitar...NOT a knock off!!! I've seen replicas sell for $500+...imagine what you could get for the real deal!! It's got an amazing sound and the quality of craftsmanship is unmatched. A true one of a kind piece! I have an air amp that I'll throw in for free to whoever the lucky buyer is. I posted pics below so you could see how amazing this deal really is. Don't hesitate cause this baby will not last.
Monday, October 01, 2007
EVA LONGORIA SEX TAPE ON THE INTERNET?
If the video is real, it could become the most sought porn movie on the Internet.
Eva Longoria has been panicking the last couple of days because her sex video started circling the Internet. It has been rumoured that the “juicy” video contains explicit sex scenes between Eva and her husband, Tony Parker.
If the video is real it could become the most sought porn film on the Internet after the well-known “One Night in Paris” with Paris Hilton in the lead role.
Currently the video is available for viewing only on some American web sites for a fee.
Eva Longoria has been panicking the last couple of days because her sex video started circling the Internet. It has been rumoured that the “juicy” video contains explicit sex scenes between Eva and her husband, Tony Parker.
If the video is real it could become the most sought porn film on the Internet after the well-known “One Night in Paris” with Paris Hilton in the lead role.
Currently the video is available for viewing only on some American web sites for a fee.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
ClubJadaFire.com
Jada Fire's only official website is now open - visit Jada at www.clubjadafire.com. Live webcames are coming soon!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The Squeeze Finally Put on The Juice - He's Behind Bars
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
The Squeeze Finally Put on The Juice - He's Behind Bars
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
SHAQ'S WIFE CHEATED WITH CUBAN TRAINER???
From MediaTakeOut.com
September 05, 2007. Yesterday evening Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal (35) filed to divorce his wife of nearly five years, Shaunie (32). The two seemed like the perfect couple to most outside observers.
This seemingly out-of-nowhere filing has people all over the sports world are wondering what could have happened. Well MediaTakeOut.com got the inside scoop on what really went down!!!
In an exclusive interview, MediaTakeOut.com spoke with one of Shaq's employee's who claims that Shaq suspects Shaunie of being unfaithful. According to the insider, Shaq is accusing his wife of carrying on an affair with her 27 year old personal trainer.
The trainer, who is of native Cuban descent, has been training Shaq's wife for nearly a year.
According to our insider, Shaunie has been increasing the frequency of private training sessions ever since the spring. The insider tells MediaTakeOut.com, "Shaunie and [the trainer] started off having weekly sessions. But they increased the number of sessions until she was seeing him almost every day." The insider added, "I'm not saying that there was anything inappropriate going on between them, but they were very close. So I can understand where Shaq is coming from ... Whatever was going on between them, it just didn't look right."
Shaq's employee isn't convinced, however, that Shaq's marriage is over. The insider explained, "Right now Shaq filed [for divorce] because he's angry. But the way that those two love each other, I'm convinced the marriage can be saved." Our source continued, "Besides, Shaq has a few skeletons in his closet himself - and there's just too much [history] between them for either to walk away this easily."
But if this divorce ever does get to court, it may get ugly. Shaq's pit bull lawyers have made the first move. They've already requested that Shaunie O’Neal to provide a “correct accounting of all money, funds, stocks, bonds, and other securities” that she had access to or obtained during the marriage.
Shaq and Shaunie have four children together -- Shareef, 7, Amirah, 5, Shaqir, 4, and Me'Arah, 1. Shaq has a daughter, Taahirah, and Shaunie has a son, Myles, from previous relationships.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
30 Best Porn Titles Of All Time
In no particular order...
1. POKE-A-HOT-ASS
2. YO QUIERO TACO SMELL
3. DUDE, WHERE'S MY DILDO?
4. BOWLIN' IN HER COLON
5. ASS-HOLE O MIO
6. FUCK THE CANUCK
7. MOULIN SPLOOGE
8. GERMAN WHORE FARE
9. SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN ... SHE'S A VAGITARIAN
10. ONE FELL INTO THE POO-POO'S NEST
11. POKE 'ER MON
12. RIMMERAMA
13. HOOTERS AND THE BLOWJOBS
14. HUNG WANKENSTEIN
15. SHRIMPIN' LOBSTER SAUCE
16. AMERICAN BOOTY
17. E-THREE - THE EXTRA TESTICLE
18. BUMPIN DONUTS
19. H.R. MUFF N' STUFF
20. MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU
21. WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY
22. ADVENTURES OF THE FART BITCHES
23. BEVERLY HILLS 9021-HO
24. I SAW MOMMY EATING SANTA CLAUS
25. 21 HUMP STREET
26. SPERMS OF ENDEARMENT
27. YANK MY DOODLE, IT'S A DANDY
28. INDIANA JOAN AND THE BLACK HOLE OF MAMMOO
29. SHAVING RYAN'S PRIVATES
30. EDWARD PENISHANDS
1. POKE-A-HOT-ASS
2. YO QUIERO TACO SMELL
3. DUDE, WHERE'S MY DILDO?
4. BOWLIN' IN HER COLON
5. ASS-HOLE O MIO
6. FUCK THE CANUCK
7. MOULIN SPLOOGE
8. GERMAN WHORE FARE
9. SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN ... SHE'S A VAGITARIAN
10. ONE FELL INTO THE POO-POO'S NEST
11. POKE 'ER MON
12. RIMMERAMA
13. HOOTERS AND THE BLOWJOBS
14. HUNG WANKENSTEIN
15. SHRIMPIN' LOBSTER SAUCE
16. AMERICAN BOOTY
17. E-THREE - THE EXTRA TESTICLE
18. BUMPIN DONUTS
19. H.R. MUFF N' STUFF
20. MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU
21. WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY
22. ADVENTURES OF THE FART BITCHES
23. BEVERLY HILLS 9021-HO
24. I SAW MOMMY EATING SANTA CLAUS
25. 21 HUMP STREET
26. SPERMS OF ENDEARMENT
27. YANK MY DOODLE, IT'S A DANDY
28. INDIANA JOAN AND THE BLACK HOLE OF MAMMOO
29. SHAVING RYAN'S PRIVATES
30. EDWARD PENISHANDS
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Jenna Jameson And Her New Boobs Retiring???
Jenna Jameson is retiring from making adult videos. Sigh.
She will continue to run her online business, but the blonde wants to focus on new projects, like a Hollywood biopic, a comic book and a clothing line, due out next year.
Jameson also decided to have her breast implants removed recently, and she sat down with Us Weekly to talk about why she did it.
Here are some highlights!
On why she had her implants removed: “When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”
On how removing the implants changed her: “Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”
On how she felt postsurgery: “Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”
On whether she’s done with porn forever: “Yes. A hundred percent.”
On who will play her in a movie about her life: “I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”
On celebrating her one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tito: “I had my surgery while he was in Iraq on a USO tour. He was so excited: ‘I’m coming home to brand new boobies.’”
She will continue to run her online business, but the blonde wants to focus on new projects, like a Hollywood biopic, a comic book and a clothing line, due out next year.
Jameson also decided to have her breast implants removed recently, and she sat down with Us Weekly to talk about why she did it.
Here are some highlights!
On why she had her implants removed: “When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”
On how removing the implants changed her: “Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”
On how she felt postsurgery: “Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”
On whether she’s done with porn forever: “Yes. A hundred percent.”
On who will play her in a movie about her life: “I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”
On celebrating her one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tito: “I had my surgery while he was in Iraq on a USO tour. He was so excited: ‘I’m coming home to brand new boobies.’”
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Weekend Fun: The Humping Dog Flash Drive
It costs roughly 9 bucks. Of course the movie above, in no way does this ultimate stocking stuffer justice.… Unfortunately, there’s no “Stop Humping” switch, so it just doesn’t stop - kinda like your neighbor’s dog.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Why I Fired My Secretary -
Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That Morning. I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And Say, "Happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me.
As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "Happy Birthday."
I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember. My Kids Came to Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent.
As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.
I Worked Until one O'clock and Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said, "You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me." I Said, "Thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day. Let's Go!"
We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously.
On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said, "You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day.. We Don't Need To Go Back To The Office, Do We?"
I Responded, "I Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"
She Said, "Let's Go To My Apartment"
After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "Boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back."
"Ok." I Nervously Replied.
She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends And Co-Workers, All Singing "Happy Birthday".
And I Just Sat There..
On The Couch...
Naked.
As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "Happy Birthday."
I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember. My Kids Came to Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent.
As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.
I Worked Until one O'clock and Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said, "You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me." I Said, "Thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day. Let's Go!"
We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously.
On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said, "You Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day.. We Don't Need To Go Back To The Office, Do We?"
I Responded, "I Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"
She Said, "Let's Go To My Apartment"
After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "Boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back."
"Ok." I Nervously Replied.
She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends And Co-Workers, All Singing "Happy Birthday".
And I Just Sat There..
On The Couch...
Naked.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Lindsay Lohan Busted AGAIN!
BEVERLY HILLS, California — Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan was busted early Tuesday for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license -- her second substance-related arrest in a matter of months, TMZ.com reported.
Lohan's blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit, and cocaine was found in her pants pocket, cops told TMZ.com.
The 21-year-old actress’ arrest happened about 2:15 a.m. in Santa Monica, Calif., near Pico Boulevard and Main Street, according to TMZ.com.
Lohan checked out of a Malibu rehab center on July 13, after a stay of more than six weeks. She has been wearing an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and receiving therapy ever since.
The "Mean Girls" star, who turned 21 on July 2, checked into the swank facility after a wild Memorial Day weekend during which she crashed her Mercedes Benz into a curb, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and was photographed slumped in the passenger seat of a friend's car.
Just last Thursday, Lohan turned herself in to police to be booked on suspicion of driving under the influence during the Memorial Day weekend car crash, police said.
Accompanied by her attorney, Lohan surrendered herself at the Beverly Hills Police Department to be fingerprinted and photographed, said Officer Brian Ballieweg.
She was booked on suspicion of a DUI with a blood alcohol level above .08, California's legal limit, and on suspicion of misdemeanor hit and run, Ballieweg said.
After the Memorial Day incident, police said she had been arrested for investigation of driving under the influence, though she wasn't formally booked on the allegation until Thursday.
The actress was released on her own recognizance. A court date was scheduled for August 24.
Lohan said in January she had checked into a rehabilitation center for substance abuse treatment.
Earlier this month, Lohan's publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik said the star was "doing great."
"Lindsay is working hard on her sobriety and we are all supporting her," she said.
Lohan's blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit, and cocaine was found in her pants pocket, cops told TMZ.com.
The 21-year-old actress’ arrest happened about 2:15 a.m. in Santa Monica, Calif., near Pico Boulevard and Main Street, according to TMZ.com.
Lohan checked out of a Malibu rehab center on July 13, after a stay of more than six weeks. She has been wearing an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and receiving therapy ever since.
The "Mean Girls" star, who turned 21 on July 2, checked into the swank facility after a wild Memorial Day weekend during which she crashed her Mercedes Benz into a curb, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and was photographed slumped in the passenger seat of a friend's car.
Just last Thursday, Lohan turned herself in to police to be booked on suspicion of driving under the influence during the Memorial Day weekend car crash, police said.
Accompanied by her attorney, Lohan surrendered herself at the Beverly Hills Police Department to be fingerprinted and photographed, said Officer Brian Ballieweg.
She was booked on suspicion of a DUI with a blood alcohol level above .08, California's legal limit, and on suspicion of misdemeanor hit and run, Ballieweg said.
After the Memorial Day incident, police said she had been arrested for investigation of driving under the influence, though she wasn't formally booked on the allegation until Thursday.
The actress was released on her own recognizance. A court date was scheduled for August 24.
Lohan said in January she had checked into a rehabilitation center for substance abuse treatment.
Earlier this month, Lohan's publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik said the star was "doing great."
"Lindsay is working hard on her sobriety and we are all supporting her," she said.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
METRO RELAUNCHES TOXXXIC LINE WITH NEW PACKAGING
CHATSWORTH, Calif. -
Metro Interactive has set a July 13 street date for Slime Ballin', a 2-disc collector's edition DVD that marks the return of gonzo imprint Toxxxic Entertainment following a two-year hiatus.
Touting the new release as "the raunchiest and most visually interesting production from Toxxxic to date," Metro spared no expense to create a graphically striking DVD package.
"We wanted to come up with a package that would correlate to some of the things that make this movie different," said Christian Mann, Metro's VP of Sales & Marketing. "Knowing it was filled with heavy-duty raunch, as is the hallmark of Toxxxic Entertainment, our artists were charged with making a package that would showcase the scope of the production. There was no way to display all the images
on a traditional DVD insert sleeve. Since the word Toxxxic is evocative of something radioactive, and we had this incredible black-light scene, the decision to go with a six color neon design package was an obvious one. While we were at it we went all the way and embossed it to give the consumer a great-looking, great-feeling package - something worthy of the contents."
Director Vincent Voss described Slime Ballin' as "a sexually charged acid trip."
"Most people when it comes to gonzo want to light it like a hospital operating room," Voss told AVN. "This movie is a very high-intensity, stylized vignette production that is splashed with a lot of color. The sex is very hard, but people that have seen the trailer on AVN have told me that it's the black lights, the color and the creepiness that put it over the top."
In keeping with the movie's trippy, atmospheric visual style, Metro is promoting the re-launch of Toxxxic with a black light poster campaign. Mann told AVN that the company plans several deluxe edition DVD release in the future with a similar approach.
Slime Ballin' stars Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Carmel Moore, Lela Star, Nikki Benz, Sativa Rose, Tiffany Sweet, Austin Kincaid, Ben English, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Marco Banderas and Scott Nails.
Each copy of Slime Ballin' includes a bonus disc with a surprise full-length Toxxxic feature. Shot in widescreen hi-def, the disc includes behind the scenes vignettes, trailers and instant pop-shot access menu options.
Metro Interactive has set a July 13 street date for Slime Ballin', a 2-disc collector's edition DVD that marks the return of gonzo imprint Toxxxic Entertainment following a two-year hiatus.
Touting the new release as "the raunchiest and most visually interesting production from Toxxxic to date," Metro spared no expense to create a graphically striking DVD package.
"We wanted to come up with a package that would correlate to some of the things that make this movie different," said Christian Mann, Metro's VP of Sales & Marketing. "Knowing it was filled with heavy-duty raunch, as is the hallmark of Toxxxic Entertainment, our artists were charged with making a package that would showcase the scope of the production. There was no way to display all the images
on a traditional DVD insert sleeve. Since the word Toxxxic is evocative of something radioactive, and we had this incredible black-light scene, the decision to go with a six color neon design package was an obvious one. While we were at it we went all the way and embossed it to give the consumer a great-looking, great-feeling package - something worthy of the contents."
Director Vincent Voss described Slime Ballin' as "a sexually charged acid trip."
"Most people when it comes to gonzo want to light it like a hospital operating room," Voss told AVN. "This movie is a very high-intensity, stylized vignette production that is splashed with a lot of color. The sex is very hard, but people that have seen the trailer on AVN have told me that it's the black lights, the color and the creepiness that put it over the top."
In keeping with the movie's trippy, atmospheric visual style, Metro is promoting the re-launch of Toxxxic with a black light poster campaign. Mann told AVN that the company plans several deluxe edition DVD release in the future with a similar approach.
Slime Ballin' stars Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Carmel Moore, Lela Star, Nikki Benz, Sativa Rose, Tiffany Sweet, Austin Kincaid, Ben English, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Marco Banderas and Scott Nails.
Each copy of Slime Ballin' includes a bonus disc with a surprise full-length Toxxxic feature. Shot in widescreen hi-def, the disc includes behind the scenes vignettes, trailers and instant pop-shot access menu options.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wanna Be In Porn?
Click Here For The Boxcover Image
HOW TO BREAK INTO THE PORN INDUSTRY IS NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE AT AMAZON.COM, ORDER YOUR COPY NOW IN ADVANCE.
WITHIN THIS REVEALING LOOK INTO THE WORLD OF ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, FORMER ADULT FILM DIRECTOR C. L. GREGORY EXPLAINS HOW SEX HAS BECOME AN ECONOMIC FORCE IN TODAY'S MARKETPLACE. IN EACH EYE OPENING CHAPTER YOU'LL DISCOVER HOW ADULT FILMS ARE MADE, THE HISTORY OF ADULT FILMS, THE BUSINESS OF SEX AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW TO MAKE MONEY MAKING PORN. YOU'LL FIND OUT WHO THE REAL PLAYERS ARE IN THE BUSINESS AND HOW TO CONTACT THEM. IT'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN CONSIDERING A CAREER IN THE SEX INDUSTRY. WHETHER YOU'RE AN ASPIRING ADULT ACTOR, DIRECTOR, OR PORN STARLETT WANNABE, HOW TO BREAK INTO THE PORN INDUSTRY WILL GIVE YOU THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN MAKING YOUR FIRST ADULT FILM AND HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ONE OF THE FASTEST GROWING SEGMENTS OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.
HOW TO BREAK INTO THE PORN INDUSTRY IS NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE AT AMAZON.COM, ORDER YOUR COPY NOW IN ADVANCE.
WITHIN THIS REVEALING LOOK INTO THE WORLD OF ADULT ENTERTAINMENT, FORMER ADULT FILM DIRECTOR C. L. GREGORY EXPLAINS HOW SEX HAS BECOME AN ECONOMIC FORCE IN TODAY'S MARKETPLACE. IN EACH EYE OPENING CHAPTER YOU'LL DISCOVER HOW ADULT FILMS ARE MADE, THE HISTORY OF ADULT FILMS, THE BUSINESS OF SEX AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW TO MAKE MONEY MAKING PORN. YOU'LL FIND OUT WHO THE REAL PLAYERS ARE IN THE BUSINESS AND HOW TO CONTACT THEM. IT'S EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN CONSIDERING A CAREER IN THE SEX INDUSTRY. WHETHER YOU'RE AN ASPIRING ADULT ACTOR, DIRECTOR, OR PORN STARLETT WANNABE, HOW TO BREAK INTO THE PORN INDUSTRY WILL GIVE YOU THE TOOLS YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN MAKING YOUR FIRST ADULT FILM AND HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ONE OF THE FASTEST GROWING SEGMENTS OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Paris X-Posed Again
From TheSmokingGun.com
Risque online pics of Hilton reappear despite court injunction
JUNE 11--Defying a federal court injunction, a web site stocked with X-rated home videos and photos of Paris Hilton has recently reopened, apparently in a bid to cash in on the wave of publicity surrounding the hard-partying heiress's legal travails. The web site, parisexposed.com, was shuttered earlier this year after Hilton sued its operators for invasion of privacy and copyright violation. In late-February, U.S. District Court Judge George King signed a preliminary injunction (a copy of which you'll find here) barring the site from publishing a wide assortment of material about the 26-year-old Hilton, from her home and e-mail addresses, to medical and banking records. And, of course, "any picture depicting Plaintiff in a state of undress and in a private setting." Of which there are many, as a weekend tour of the reopened site made quite clear. Along with videos showing Hilton topless and bottomless, the site has clips of her partying and making a series of offensive statements. She refers to one woman as a "fat, ugly Jewish bitch" and uses the phrase "fat faggot" to describe another unseen target. Dancing with her sister Nicky at a New Year's Eve party in Aspen, Hilton mimics another person, announcing, "I'm a little black whore. I get fucked in the butt for coke." Then, remarking on her and Nicky's dancing, Hilton says, "We're like two niggers." These videotaped musings (and a chance to review other records) cost $19.97 for a 30-day period. But if that's too rich for you, we've gathered a sampling of the Hilton trove, which was obtained by the web site's operators after she failed to pay an overdue L.A. storage facility bill. On the following pages you'll find stills from a variety of videos as well as photos and documents. Images include Hilton getting stoned in Amsterdam; toilet stall snaps (one with Nicole Richie); topless script readings; tampon hijinks; candids of a once-fleshy Richie; bathtub frolics; underwear shots; unorthodox tanning bed procedures; a groping by "Girls Gone Wild" boss Joe Francis; public skirt hiking; and a rotund friend with a smile on his belly. Among documents posted on parisexposed.com are a court notice regarding an L.A traffic citation; an e-mail about the purchase of a $175,000 Bentley; a business letter from her father Rick; a U.S. Customs Service document regarding the apparent seizure of 148 tabs of the anti-anxiety drug Xanax; and a pharmacy notice. While it appears that several items (like Hilton's passport) have been removed from the site, much of what remains is covered by Judge King's order.
Risque online pics of Hilton reappear despite court injunction
JUNE 11--Defying a federal court injunction, a web site stocked with X-rated home videos and photos of Paris Hilton has recently reopened, apparently in a bid to cash in on the wave of publicity surrounding the hard-partying heiress's legal travails. The web site, parisexposed.com, was shuttered earlier this year after Hilton sued its operators for invasion of privacy and copyright violation. In late-February, U.S. District Court Judge George King signed a preliminary injunction (a copy of which you'll find here) barring the site from publishing a wide assortment of material about the 26-year-old Hilton, from her home and e-mail addresses, to medical and banking records. And, of course, "any picture depicting Plaintiff in a state of undress and in a private setting." Of which there are many, as a weekend tour of the reopened site made quite clear. Along with videos showing Hilton topless and bottomless, the site has clips of her partying and making a series of offensive statements. She refers to one woman as a "fat, ugly Jewish bitch" and uses the phrase "fat faggot" to describe another unseen target. Dancing with her sister Nicky at a New Year's Eve party in Aspen, Hilton mimics another person, announcing, "I'm a little black whore. I get fucked in the butt for coke." Then, remarking on her and Nicky's dancing, Hilton says, "We're like two niggers." These videotaped musings (and a chance to review other records) cost $19.97 for a 30-day period. But if that's too rich for you, we've gathered a sampling of the Hilton trove, which was obtained by the web site's operators after she failed to pay an overdue L.A. storage facility bill. On the following pages you'll find stills from a variety of videos as well as photos and documents. Images include Hilton getting stoned in Amsterdam; toilet stall snaps (one with Nicole Richie); topless script readings; tampon hijinks; candids of a once-fleshy Richie; bathtub frolics; underwear shots; unorthodox tanning bed procedures; a groping by "Girls Gone Wild" boss Joe Francis; public skirt hiking; and a rotund friend with a smile on his belly. Among documents posted on parisexposed.com are a court notice regarding an L.A traffic citation; an e-mail about the purchase of a $175,000 Bentley; a business letter from her father Rick; a U.S. Customs Service document regarding the apparent seizure of 148 tabs of the anti-anxiety drug Xanax; and a pharmacy notice. While it appears that several items (like Hilton's passport) have been removed from the site, much of what remains is covered by Judge King's order.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Rob Rotten: Curse the Beasts and the Children
SUN VALLEY, Calif. - Sun Valley, California is the land time forgot. Once off the 5 Freeway, the traveler finds himself transported back to a Twilight Zone world that looks remarkably like 1962. It's here where porn auteur Rob Rotten has chosen to shoot his epic comeback movie for Metro, Swallow My Children.
Up a dusty driveway with signs warning those who venture there to "Watch for Rattlesnakes!" the reporter wonders if he's found the right location. After some uphill hiking, he sees a large trampoline set up in a side yard upon which a fleshy, naked gal is performing oral sex on some hapless stud.
Yep. This must be the place.
The house itself is a sprawling, ramshackle affair and Rotten greets visitors to his set with cold beers and hot pizza.
He gives an overview of the movie while shooting two scenes simultaneously. "It's a 15-scene all blowjob movie," explains Rotten. "It's hilarious. Everything's spontaneous and improvised. The only thing I have for this movie is an approved budget by Metro. That's how I roll with most of my movies."
But production manager Johnny Thrust is starting to show signs of cracking under the stress. Rotten will later relate how Thrust experienced some sort of breakdown much like that of the character Kurtz in Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness.
"Some of the girls are getting booked as we speak," explains Rotten, who manages to maintain his own sense of calm.
The only way to rattle Rob Rotten, I'm guessing, is to threaten him with an industrial-sized magnet.
"It's like a ball," Rotten says of his production. "Once it starts rolling, it doesn't stop. So far we've done 5 scenes out of 10 today, so we're half done and right on schedule...well, actually, we're about two hours ahead of schedule."
Of course, the extra time is going to shooting comical setups to the scenes themselves. Rotten explains, "We're having a lot of fun shooting the skits. That's my favorite part. Even though this is just a blowjob movie and even though most people would shoot all the blowjobs in one day, I'd rather take two days and make it real funny and put some time and care into it."
And while the various scenes are being shot, the owner of the location is advising several wide--eyed new starlets that if they like to travel, "China is the place to go. The American dollar is strong there."
One of the girls pipes up with all the confidence and wisdom of her 18 years on planet earth and volunteers, "I've been to China."
"Really?" asks the owner. "Where were you?"
"Japan," she says.
Meanwhile, Rotten's setting up for another blowjob exchange, this time involving himself with Kaylee Love Cox. All I know is that if you worked a circus chimp this hard, you'd be going to jail.
A few days later, Metro exec Christian Mann sends a missive regarding the shoot. It reads, "First, I want to apologize to anyone who may be offended by the title of Rob Rotten's new movie. I want to state unequivocally that absolutely no people were actually swallowed during the production of this movie. True, several million sperm-cells were indeed ingested as they passed through the gullets of several attractive and thirsty—or is it hungry?—ladies. The protein-craving lasses may have used their considerable fellatio skills to lure the little buggers out of the pulsing shafts of the would-be fathers, but it should be noted that absent contact with a fertile ovary, the swimmers cannot technically be considered people and as such, Rob cannot be charged with murder. In fact, Mr. Rotten should be applauded for his contribution to the cause of birth control in an over-populated world. I have no additional comment at this time."
Spoken like a true businessman, indeed.
Swallow My Children will star, among many: Sasha Grey, Daisy Tanks, Britney Stevens, Whitney Stevens, Fayth Deluca, August West, Chavon Taylor, Heather Gables, Marsha Lord, Allison Pierce, Brandi Lyons, Mercedez Santos, Leighiani Red, Roxy DeVille, Laurie Vargas and Jocelyn Jayden.
courtesy avn.com
visit RobRottenxxx.com
Up a dusty driveway with signs warning those who venture there to "Watch for Rattlesnakes!" the reporter wonders if he's found the right location. After some uphill hiking, he sees a large trampoline set up in a side yard upon which a fleshy, naked gal is performing oral sex on some hapless stud.
Yep. This must be the place.
The house itself is a sprawling, ramshackle affair and Rotten greets visitors to his set with cold beers and hot pizza.
He gives an overview of the movie while shooting two scenes simultaneously. "It's a 15-scene all blowjob movie," explains Rotten. "It's hilarious. Everything's spontaneous and improvised. The only thing I have for this movie is an approved budget by Metro. That's how I roll with most of my movies."
But production manager Johnny Thrust is starting to show signs of cracking under the stress. Rotten will later relate how Thrust experienced some sort of breakdown much like that of the character Kurtz in Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness.
"Some of the girls are getting booked as we speak," explains Rotten, who manages to maintain his own sense of calm.
The only way to rattle Rob Rotten, I'm guessing, is to threaten him with an industrial-sized magnet.
"It's like a ball," Rotten says of his production. "Once it starts rolling, it doesn't stop. So far we've done 5 scenes out of 10 today, so we're half done and right on schedule...well, actually, we're about two hours ahead of schedule."
Of course, the extra time is going to shooting comical setups to the scenes themselves. Rotten explains, "We're having a lot of fun shooting the skits. That's my favorite part. Even though this is just a blowjob movie and even though most people would shoot all the blowjobs in one day, I'd rather take two days and make it real funny and put some time and care into it."
And while the various scenes are being shot, the owner of the location is advising several wide--eyed new starlets that if they like to travel, "China is the place to go. The American dollar is strong there."
One of the girls pipes up with all the confidence and wisdom of her 18 years on planet earth and volunteers, "I've been to China."
"Really?" asks the owner. "Where were you?"
"Japan," she says.
Meanwhile, Rotten's setting up for another blowjob exchange, this time involving himself with Kaylee Love Cox. All I know is that if you worked a circus chimp this hard, you'd be going to jail.
A few days later, Metro exec Christian Mann sends a missive regarding the shoot. It reads, "First, I want to apologize to anyone who may be offended by the title of Rob Rotten's new movie. I want to state unequivocally that absolutely no people were actually swallowed during the production of this movie. True, several million sperm-cells were indeed ingested as they passed through the gullets of several attractive and thirsty—or is it hungry?—ladies. The protein-craving lasses may have used their considerable fellatio skills to lure the little buggers out of the pulsing shafts of the would-be fathers, but it should be noted that absent contact with a fertile ovary, the swimmers cannot technically be considered people and as such, Rob cannot be charged with murder. In fact, Mr. Rotten should be applauded for his contribution to the cause of birth control in an over-populated world. I have no additional comment at this time."
Spoken like a true businessman, indeed.
Swallow My Children will star, among many: Sasha Grey, Daisy Tanks, Britney Stevens, Whitney Stevens, Fayth Deluca, August West, Chavon Taylor, Heather Gables, Marsha Lord, Allison Pierce, Brandi Lyons, Mercedez Santos, Leighiani Red, Roxy DeVille, Laurie Vargas and Jocelyn Jayden.
courtesy avn.com
visit RobRottenxxx.com
Monday, May 14, 2007
Real Notes Written By Parents!
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district.
Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits. ?
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
Some people are like Slinkies... not good for much of anything, but they still bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs.
Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. Shehad diahre dyrea direathe the shits. ?
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
Some people are like Slinkies... not good for much of anything, but they still bring a smile to your face as you push them down a flight of stairs.
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